A
female
age
51-59,
*lskitten
writes:Ok an ex question...again..Been split from a yr long r/s for 4 months now. Alls fine there and we are on friend terms. He pays me to do his ironing and we spcialise because his daughter gets on so well with mine. He knows my ex hubby, used to go abroad with him after we split years ago with a couple of other mates too. i found this out the night we met. I met up with my ex husband last week (we split 16 yrs ago) I left him and straight away got with someone total oposite to him i worked with at the time, 10 yrs older than me and had 2 children with him over the next 9 years. My ex husband eventually settled with an old friend of ours (we used to go out in a foursome with her and her guy) my ex hubby has been with her 12 years in all. But they didnt marry. I split from the kids dad 7 years ago( we ever married) Anyway, me and ex hubby met up last week and have met up 4 times so far for lunch and we went out with my bro sat night. All had a blast! Hes now saying how bizarre its been how well we have got on. He moved out his exes 14 months ago but they have only just stopped sleeping together a few weeks ago. They dont want that anymore. Ive spoken to her on the phone and it was nice to catch up with her too. She says to him he is in denial, that he still has feelings for me. But i am happy to hang out together at the moment, i dont want to look that far ahead.He has 2 children with her, over 10 yrs old like mine are. At the moment he really misses his daughters and says im helping him loads with that and they adore him, you can tell by the txt messages they send him.Do you think people that split 16 yrs ago would be mad to get back together? I dont mean now, but in the future?We know that everyone in the family thinks we will and i guess we are wondering if they can see something we cant yet! Even my recent ex says he can see us back together and hes cool with it, although says it will hurt him. And i think maybe part of us feels a bit pressured too! do you think we are playing a dangerous game?C xxxx
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (19 September 2007):
hlskitten is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi EddieYeh i guess you're right. I just dont really like the whole people assuming we will get back together thing. 16 yrs is a long time ago. And i dont even know if hes changed, he doesnt know if i have. We only met up a week ago! Last night he said on the phone he doesnt know if i am his past or future and its confusing him big time, he cant stop thinking about me. I said im your present Chris chill out! Im happy with spending time together at the mo and im certainly not looking anyfurther than now at the moment! I dont get why some guys have to rush? He only stopped sleeping with his daughters mother a few weeks ago! Can you see what i mean? I did say to him on the phone last night that i wonder if he is getting his feelings for his ex mixed up with meeting up with me and thats another reason i dont want to plough into anything. He agreed and said he doesnt want to rush either. Hes just telling me how he feels. Im meeting him for lunch in a couple of hours and we are gonna have a chat.C xxxxx
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (19 September 2007):
 Hi. I've read your post twice and I don't see what is dangerous. What do you feel makes it a "dangerous game?"
There's much less risk to this than if you started dating somebody totally new to you.
It's a bit like a product that you used regularly in the past, you know what it's like but you stopped using it because of some problem. You now feel like buying that product again.
Or you could liken it to your counselling course - you started it, it wasn't right for you at that time - but you have it in mind to try again. (sorry for these parallels - but they do show the prospect in a different light).
So - I don't see much danger from what you've said. If you've seen him 4 times in the last week it sounds like it's taking off. If you want to be cautious - slow your heart and your contact down a little. Good luck.
Richard
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