A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was casually seeing this guy for a month when he ended it saying that something had happened with another girl. We ended amicably, no feelings hurt. A week later a group of us went out and luckily it wasn't awkward between us. In fact we spent the majority of the night talking and having a laugh. He seemed bothered by other guys coming to talk to me and kept saying he'd made a mistake ending things between us. My mate said he seemed to genuinely regret it. The night ended and we kissed and he came back with me and friends. We went to sleep but ended up sleeping together. He was really affectionate and we spent the whole of the next day together despite me hinting that I had things to do. Since then there's been the odd text every day. Basically I can feel myself starting to really like this guy but I'm so confused as to what is going on. Are with just friends with benefits? Or does he want more? Or was it just a one night thing because it's easier to pull someone you know that a complete stranger? Don't mind what the answer is, just give it to me straight.Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2013): My apologies for the misunderstanding. That's my own editing error. I meant to delete that particular comment, but over-looked it. I somehow had it in my head you were seeing someone else when he met up with you and some friends.
What I really meant was, it is possible that he will be in the shadows when a new man enters your life. You will be strung along hoping for things to change; when in fact, you'll continue to maintain feelings for him. He knows what buttons to push, and he'll place you in a predicament. Possibly jeopardizing any new relationships.
You get the true message. You're a smart woman, so there's no need to push the point any further.
Best of luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2013): OP
Thanks for the advice WiseOwlE but I'm confused by what you mean by me cheating on my current boyfriend. I'm not seeing anyone at the moment apart from the guy originally mentioned in the question. Obviously if I had met someone I wouldn't be sleeping with anyone else. Still regardless of that little misunderstanding, you make a good point and I think it'll probably be best to end things before any real feelings get involved.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 March 2013):
 It's easier to pull a girl that you know than a complete stranger. And it is also easy and convenient to shot some nice text every now and then, no big effort, to string her along and always keep her comfortably handy and usable until something better comes along.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2013): He misses the meaningful sex. He misses you. He can have his cake and eat it too. Be protective of your feelings and follow your gut on this one. You are vulnerable, because you still have a crush.You did breakup on good terms, but you shouldn't let him hold you emotional hostage. It will keep you confused and unable to move on. It also bruises his ego knowing you're in the arms of another man. He is helping you to sabotage any new relationships by making you cheat. Don't hurt anyone else.Now the score is even. He cheated on you, and you're cheating on your current boyfriend.So you both still have the hots for each other. So you're making it easy for him to manipulate you from the outside, and destroy your current relationship from the inside.Be a smart woman, and send him on his way. Yes he regrets what he did, but he's doing what he can to keep you from finding someone else to replace him. He can still fool around with other women; because technically you're in another relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2013): Thanks for the advice :)
Usually I wouldn't get attached but we were originally set up by our best friends and my best friend said he was looking for a relationship. I wasn't looking for a relationship so I guess I was seeing it as a one night stand when we first hooked up. Then he asked for my number which I politely avoided but he got it off my friend and we went on a date. This was all before he ended things which is why I was so confused as to what he wants this time around. I'm not usually the type to get attached but I think the lack of boundaries and all the cuddling and affection has definitely made things trickier. I think I'll give talking a go next time I see him.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (12 March 2013):
 When a man wants to be exclusive with you, he'll tell you. For now, it is as you said, a friends with benefits scenario. If you want a relationship, then you need to communicate it to him, not a way like you're demanding it from him, but by setting your boundaries. For eg, sex is off limits outside of an exclusive relationship status. On the other hand, if you feel that you can cope with the FWB arrangement, then have fun.
I can tell that you are getting attached to him already. Just be careful that he does not break your heart in the process.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (12 March 2013):
 He wants to be a friend to you, but you to act like a girlfriend. He can have as many girls as he wants but his girls can only have him alone. He's this way to you so you won't think about having other guys. To the extreme a guy can fake a relationship so well that he proposes a marriage, just so that he can have the girl all by himself, while acting single on his side. This kind of selfishness is unbelievable but it does happen in real life.
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