A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a very serious question and need your advise. 8 monthsago i met this awesome girl through a friend and we hit it off fromthe start and ended making out the night we met. But as i said i wasntlooking for anything serious so i told her from the start that im justhaving fun and the she mustnt get excited about hooking up with me,she replied that she felt the same. Anyway we kept bumping into eachthrough our mutual friend and i used to bust on her about being talland her "man hands" and even made her go buy me drinks which workedamazingly because i wasnt chasing her and never felt like she wasbeing clingy. So because we got on so well we started hanging out andgoing out to dinners occassionally etc and even started sleepingtogether on occassions after a great night out but none of us eversaying that things were getting serious even though we both felt thatit was, infact she was the one that kept saying she wasnt "in themarket for a serious thing", when i hinted at being interested insomething more serious.Then i left overseas for a month and when i got back everythingchanged. It took me a while to get to see her cause we live about anhour away from each other and the first weekend she was away, secondweekend she was sick so she made plans for us to get toether the nextweekend but cancelled at the last minute cause she had friends thatwhere coming from out of town. Now the thing is cause we are bothkinda players and never took things too seriously we both hadnt toldour friends that we actually were seeing each other so we only gottogether when we were both free. So even though she flaked out on me ihad no reason to be too upset but it did get to me.Anyway, this is where i need your help, the next weekend we didfinally get together and she came over to my place and although iwanted to go out she said she just wanted to chill at my place withpizza and a movie which i thought was pretty cool cause it would benice to just catch up. But i realised there was something wrong causeshe was distant and then fell "asleep" during the movie, when itfinished i woke her and took her to bed and she just turned over andslept. Next morning when we both woke up and were lying in bed shesaid she wanted to talk and said that the 'casual sex" wasnt workingout for her and that she wants to break up. She said she wants it allor nothing and that she doesnt think i can give her what she needs(without elaborating on what that is), she also said that after 8months we should be saying "i love you" but that we are no where nearthat. She said that she wants to still see me and that she wants to dothings like go away for weekends (which we never did before) and thatshe wants to meet my friends and family and me to meet hers. But sheemphasised that the sex was over and that she cant come and stay overand that we cant kiss and have any intimacy anymore. I really like herso i replied with lets give it a try, lets go away for a weekend andstart meeting each others friends etc. she thought about it for a fewseconds and said no, "she's sticking to her guns, its over" and thatwe can only go away when i can except that we are over romantically. Iasked her if she has ruled out us ever getting back together again andshe replied that she never rules out anything but that she doesnt wantto give me false hope. Then she kisses me for the first time in twomonths with so much passion and with plenty of tongue, then pushes meaway...goes to the kitchen makes me tea and asks to take me out forbreakfast cause she could see i was feeling bleak, (she knows i likeher way more than just a "f**ckbuddy" and that i would be hurt if sheeneded things".So i have no idea what is going on here, we werent officially goingout, but in our own strange way things were serious enough that shecould break up with me. She wants more from me and i offer more, butshe rejects that yet says she wants to do things with me like go awayon weekends (but only as friends). And she wants to meet my friendsand family and that she only feels comfortable doing this as friends.DOES this make any sense to you? i really like her, but i dont wannabe a wussy and run after her when she has told me that our romanticlife is over! so what would you say david, is she playing games, causeshe never did before? does she just see me as a cool friend that wouldfit in well with her friends but not as her lover (even though shesaid it was a good 8 month while it lasted and that the sex wasgreat)? Should i go out with her, i really want to keep seeing her butim not going to be her best friend while she goes and gets togetherwith othe guys (which she said she's not going to rush out and do).what should i do???
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): Thanks for the help girls, but why go on about how we just "buddies" all this time if what she wanted something more? do you think its just that she wants something more but not with me? and if so how do you explain the kiss at the end and saying she wants to do weekends away but only as friends whenb we were never really frinds in the first place?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): I think you missed the boat babes. You totally rejected the possibility of any relationship, so she agreed with being friends that had sex. She put on a brave face because she wanted to be with you, she had sex and accepted you had nothing romantic to give. But she wanted more, and when you went away it gave her time to think and to realise that she deserved more out of life. She made up her mind to harden her heart and push you away. Now you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend, but it's too late. She's thinking, why dose he want to do this now, I gave him tons of time and he only wants me now he's losing the sex thing. She dosen't trust you, she dosen't trust you not to break her heat again. You changed your mind about romance, she's frightened you'll change it again and dump her when you start going out. She's offered you freindship, you could take that, and start romancing her and trying to win her heart again. But the problem is that a lot of women take a long time to give up, and when they give up, nothing on earth can get through to them and allow them to give you a chance. She's given up on romance with you, maybe you should too.
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A
female
reader, lilly123  +, writes (7 August 2008):
 friends with benifits dont work!someone always ends up getting hurt.Maybe while you were away somthing happend with another guy or she realised that she wants more than just friends with benifits and just does not think you can give that to her, so if you do really want to be with her tell her how you really feel,tell her what you love about her and what you miss about not being with her,just put it all out there and if she turns you down at least you tried then you can start to move forward.good luck let me no how it goes.
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