A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sorry if this gets a bit lobg, but I am beyond confused and need some second opinions. So today marks nine months in my LDR. According to him, it's eight but that's besides the point. I guess I should just be happy he even remembered with the way things have been going. Anyway, here's some background..For the past week, it seems that he's disappeared. He used to text me atleast once everyday and for the past week I've heard nothing except short and simple responses to a few select texts of mine. Two nights ago, I wrote him asking if this his not talking to me was going to last forever because I don't want to keep waiting for something that'll never happen. He's been going through some stuff and I told him that I understood but just wish that he didn't shut me out like he was doing. As his girlfriend, I'd like to be there for him but I can't if he doesn't let me. I finally heard something back and I'm confused. Basically, he told me that he wasn't ready for a full-on relationship at this very moment but he still wants a relationship with me. He still wants to talk and see me when possible, but without obligation. He mentioned that he didn't want to break up and that's where I'm confused. He's not ready for a relationship now but he doesn't wanna break up? He's been going through a lot and like I said, I completely understand and want to be there for him because I really do love him. While he didn't get into detail about what caused him to shut down the past week, he did mention that part of his problems were that he thinks he's not a good boyfriend because he can't see me whenever and he can't buy me things or take me out or sometimes he's too miserable/depressed for the simple things like chatting online or talking on the phone. We've gone through this a couple months ago and I tried to tell him that I'm fine with a simple text everyday and a phone call a week, whatever as long as I still in my life and I heard from him everyday. Maybe that's cutting myself short of what I deserve but oh well.My question now is what should I do? It's still unclear to me where we stand, based on what he's saying, are we in a relationship, are we not?
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (28 December 2010):
 He wants an open relationship, from what it sounds like. That means while he's still technically with you, he can date other girls and do whatever else he wants in the meantime.
A
female
reader, Dreamer1988 +, writes (27 December 2010):
 It could be that this guy is bored. He wants to take his girlfriend out, even though you don't care about it, it's probably still fun for him to be able to do that. And, the fact that he can't, because it's a LDR relationship makes it difficult for him. Sounds like he doesn't want to make a commitment anymore to you....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): What he is saying is this: he wants you, and maybe even likes or loves you but he doesn't want the responsibilities of a relationship for instance, he probably doesn't want to take you out as much or spend money on you, or call, text or email you.....basically, he wants what most guys want (good or bad) HIS FREEDOM. So, let him have it...I suggest you read a book called "Why Men Love Bitches" and "Why Men Marry Bitches" by Sherry Argov....she gives advice for women in your situation...how to turn a causal relationship into a committed one and believe me, you can't do it by nagging, begging, pleading, threats and all the things women do when they are in a panic mode or attempt to keep a man or get him to commit.
Another thing is this: when you are texting and talking everyday, it creates a boring situation which sometimes leads to cheating. It is not a good thing to communicate with each other every single day....how about going two days without communication and maybe only see the person one to twice per week or every other week? But in all, by those two books I was telling you about on Amazon.com.....they are cheap and the advice Sherry gives is amazing....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): Unfortunately, I don't have any answers to your question. I, in fact, am going through a similar situation with my GF right now and would love for someone to direct me in the right direction. I was told that she does not want the responsibilities of a relationship, but would still like to date me. She too is going through some personal stuff at the moment. We too would text/call on a daily basis, but, now I too am being shut out of her life. Does anyone out there have any wisdom to shed on our common situation?
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