A
female
age
30-35,
*llana
writes:Ok, so I'm gonna summarise this a bit. Both I and my bf of 5 years are difficult people. We're both sensitive, emotional, highly-strung and easily hurt. He was abused by his mother, and I've been bullied for years. We have an awesome relationship, and a truly strong one but when things go bad we can both go crazy, me more so than him. This time, he made a stupid comment about me being a failure for not getting a job and I just lost it. I hit him first, and multiple times, said some truly terrible things to him... upside is he hit my very hard in the head. I think we're both as bad as each other, and I *know* I need to go get some anger management help. My question is: am I wrong to want to stay because I know that it's not just a one-sided problem? We are both determined to fix our issues, but are we both just suckers for staying with an abusive partner? Can good people just sometimes do bad things?
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female
reader, freefay  +, writes (7 May 2011):
I am in the same situation. I am wondering how this worked out for ya'll.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): Congrat's on identifying you and your BF have a anger problem, Now you both need to get in to action and so something about it, If he dosen't agree to go well you go alone you can fix yourself but you can't fix someone that's not willing to help themselves, and God forbid that you two have a child before this is repaired, I grew up with abusive Parents and believe me it's not a good life and I swore I would never live with a abusive person or raise my kids in such a situation. Anyone can have a temper (I do) but you have to be able to control it and seeking help will definitely teach you how to control yourself, I hope he also follows through if not then you have a serious decision to make about your future. I wish you and your BF the best. ~Confused~
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A
female
reader, Myrrh +, writes (23 March 2010):
 Hi. If you have a strong relationship and you want to fix this problem, you certainly arent wrong for staying with him. Just be sure the reason you are together is because you love each other. And not because you feel you can act out this abuse because the other one "understands". I respect you for being able to identify the problem and wanting to fix it. It would be best to go with your partner for counselling/anger management. As another poster pointed out, its not much use doing it on your own. But if he wont go with you to fix this problem, still get help for yourself.
As time goes on and you are able to control your own impulses, you may find your bf`s behaviour becomes unaccetable to you. Then you will know yourself if staying with him is something you want to do. All the best
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A
female
reader, purplewasabi +, writes (23 March 2010):
 Definitely consider going to anger management together, as suggested. This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all, and you could be threatened with more serious abuse in the future as your relationship develops. It's common, as you might know, for young people to take on or imitate the roles of dominant figures from their childhood, and it sounds like that's what you're both doing here; once you get some help and learn how to be angry how YOU want to be angry, and not how you've learnt to be, I think you'll be a lot better off.
I hope this situation improves for you.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (23 March 2010):
 Go to anger management together then. It is no good one of you controlling yourself if the other is still gunna go around thumping people and provoking the other to retaliate.
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