A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi I need advice. I am gay, and I have a guy friend who I hang out with. I noticed he was gay. He used to look at me in a certain way, and I began to have feelings for him. He sent me flirty sms. I didn't know how to respond. He met another guy. They are now a couple. I became jealous, he noticed this. I tried to avoid them, but he sometimes make it a point to come up to me and talk and show affection. I feel he likes me or something, but my other friends say they just want to deceive me. The other day he suggested we hang out, but he didn't turn up. He blamed the rain an sent sms "we couldn't make it because of the rain". He apologized and sounded very upset. How do I know?? Is he sincere?? Should I avoid him, remove him from FB etc..??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2014): He has a boyfriend now, and he's just trying to have a fling with you on the side.
He stood you up; because he couldn't get away. His boyfriend must have been around.
You're old enough to know when you're being lead on by someone. What do you expect him to do, when he's with someone else now?
Just leave his boyfriend for you? Just cheat?
That would make you a home-wrecker.
You should save your feelings for someone who is single and available, and doesn't have to make-up lies and excuses for standing you up; because he couldn't sneak out on his boyfriend.
Are you the type of guy who goes around stealing other guy's boyfriends? If you do that, it's going to happen to you someday.
What goes around, comes around. That's karma!
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (15 January 2014):
Hi there. It seems unusual he shows you some interest at times, makes a time to meet up then makes some excuse why he didn't turn up.
And if he is in a relationship with this other guy, well then why is he still showing interest in you?
Can't he make up his mind?
Don't read too much into his sms he sends you, because as long as he is still seeing this other guy, he can only be casual friends with you.
Perhaps he is keeping his options open, by staying in contact with you.
In case the other relationship doesn't work out.
This is something to keep in mind.
Don't allow yourself to just be a standby.
If you are going to be anything to this guy, that means something, you want to be his Number ONE.
Don't play second fiddle to someone else.
Surely, you believe you deserve much more than that.
Don't delete him off FB, just don't go into FB just to see if he has left you any messages.
My wisest advice to you here, is to take it very slowly.
And perhaps also, if he arranges to see you again sometime, you might like to remind him that he is seeing someone already.
And that you feel that other guy would be hurt, if he found out he was seeing someone behind his back.
And that you wouldn't like it either, if you found out your partner was seeing someone behind your back.
It really comes down to trust.
Without trust, a relationship cannot survive for very long.
You need to put yourself in this other guy's shoes, and think how you would feel if it was happening to you.
I promise you, you would not like it at all.
You need to respect your own beliefs here, and do ONLY what feels right to YOU.
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