A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend were talking about sexual desires and she told me she always wanted to make out with a black guy. Which is ok and I understand because I have sometimes fantasies about asian women. But then we talked about it a bit more and she asked all the races that I have had sex with.(white,hispanic and asian)Then I asked her the same and she said only white. After that we were kind of joking that she is going to give me an asian woman for my birthday ( after this joke I told her that I have no actual need to be with an asian woman and I find HER the most attractive) and then I jokingly said that I ll get her an native american guy.After I said this that she asked why not a black guy ? and if I am afraid he would have a bigger penis? I didn't know how to react and told her that I seen porn where my penis was bigger that the guys in the videos and then we dropped it.I have a fairly large penis (over 8 inches and pretty thick). But her question kinda threw me off. Like does she have a fantasy being with a black guy and is my penis not big enough for her? I dont know why the black thing threw me off since I don't really care. I am 6,5 and I work out almost everyday and am more masculine than more black guys I know. I really do not know why this bothers me that much... She has also told me that she has a small fantasy doing it with 2 men at once which also bothers me a bit. I dont want to share her with anybody and I am really anti cheating. Our sexlife could not be better and I also am sometimes really aggressive during sex which she enjoys too. I also make a decent amount of money and we joke and travel all the time. I really do not know how could I make myself better and what would she get from other guys.She is the first woman I love and I kind think of her as sacred. I have been in a threesome with a guy once and basically we treated the woman like she was trash and she enjoyed it... and thinking that my girlfriend would enjoy being treated like trash REALLY bothers me. So what do I do about these feelings?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2014): Ya it sounds like she just threw the penis thing at you as a joke since its a "myth" a rumor..whatever that black men have big penises ..just like they say Chinese men have small ones..i really think she was joking bout that part an maybe because her parents wouldn't let her date a black man she instead fantasied about being with one which as the others have said its a fantasy nothing else..i wouldn't take it personal and the 3 some thing is the same IM sure she isn't looking to get treated like trash an IM sure she knows you wouldn't go for it anyway again just another fantasy ..just like i would love to have 2 penises in my face doesn't mean i will make it happen just means i wouldn't mind it..it would be a sexual fantasy that i know my man would never go for there for its a fantasy ..good luck an if your really that big in size both height an penis an girth then what are you worried about? ? Ha i wouldn't be..
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (14 January 2014):
A lot of women fantasize about being with a black dude...I have a lot of friends that have fantasized about it and have made it a reality. It's really not that uncommon. It has nothing to do with penis size,there's probably a variety of reasons why, but I highly doubt penis size has to do with anything. It's not about you.
And a fantasy with 2 men, again, a lot of women fantasize about that type of stuff. Thinking she wants to be treated like "trash" is you reading way too into things. Chill out and quit overthinking. She's human and she's curious. She's normal, but if you can't handle the answers to the questions YOU ask, then don't ask them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2014): Totally with WiseOwlE here. There's definitely a not so subtle hint of racism emanating from this question. You tell her you fantasize about Asian women and she jokes that she'll get you an Asian woman your your birthday, and you respond to her fantasy about black men by offering a...native american guy? Right. That's even funnier than the "I don't care" followed two sentences later by "I don't know why it bothers me so much."Do you realize that fantasies are just that, fantasies? As in, not reality? Unless she's bringing a guy home every night to coax you into a threesome, I don't know what the problem is with her fantasizing about two guys.My suggestion is two fold:1)Get over yourself. Not everything she says or does is about you. Not every fantasy reflects something you're lacking, not everything she says is has an undying meaning telling you you're inadequate. Are all of your fantasies a reflection of something she lacks? Are ANY of your fantasies a reflection of what she lacks? Are any of your fantasies related to her in any way, or are they all things you've been thinking about long before she came along? (It's the latter.) What makes you think your girlfriend's fantasies are any different? They have nothing to do with you.2)Start viewing your girlfriend as a fucking person instead of a goddamn cow. She's not sacred. She's a human being and everything that comes with that. If it bothers you that she would enjoy something, then break up with her so she can be with somebody who will accept her for who she is instead of trying to put her on a pedestal and getting pissed off when she doesn't live up to the perfect image of her you've built in your head.In short, what do you do about those feelings? Get over them, fast.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 January 2014):
 What to do with these feelings? Let them go….. smile, breathe, relax
…and don't ever ask her about her fantasies again. You can't differentiate between fantasy and reality in this particular case, you assume she actually wants to do things she considers merely fantasies.
You know fantasies are like fairy tales, we like to think about them but don't actually want to experience the thing? Right?
Maybe it's your conscience coming back and making you think about this as you treated a woman like trash, as you put it. Guilt is a tough emotion to deal with.
Maybe she's read you very well and knows how to manipulate you into working really hard into keeping her happy. She has you on your toes, and you sound like you don't really think you are all that masculine. Did you tell her about the threesome? Maybe she wasn't all that impressed and knew exactly how to react in a way that has you all doubting yourself and feeling worried.
You had to post the penis stats and the resume to convince us, or is it yourself, that you are man enough for her.
Yeah, lay off the discussions about the fantasies for now. Relax, breathe, be a generous lover and I expect in a short time this will pass as a concern.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2014): In all honesty, I think these types of insecurities just have to work themselves out of your mind. People tend to be hypersensitive about traits and talents they simply don't have; and turn just about everything into an anxiety; or a body-image disorder.
Ahhh!!! The media-saturated, beauty-obsessed, porn-fed public! Why have we lost all touch with reality?!!! Does the word "cope" really exist in the 21st century! Have we lost the simplest capacity to let things just roll off our backs and play it off with a wink, or a shrug of the shoulders? Even a roll of the eyes, and snap of the fingers in Z-formation?
There simply is no real cure for penis-envy! Either you got a big one, an acceptably average one, or a teenie weeny.
You bragged about a thick eight inches! I'm gay, let me tell you. That's considered impressive where we come from. Not much more than average, but girth makes up for length.
You're a lucky man, and would get a gay-date in three shakes of a lambs tail! In fact, if it was posted in a profile on a gay website; no one would leave you alone. Dude, give yourself a break. She was just talking about one attached to a dark-skinned dude. She was playfully going for the ego!
She earned a little female-vengeance points in the process!
IT'S A FANTASY!!! Don't be a cry-baby! You yourself said it's bigger than some of the guys in porn. Your girl wasn't complaining, she was fantasizing! Mostly teasing!
If you do decide to "darken your skin" to do role-playing, keep it private and away from public view. You may not like the reaction you might get from a man of color; if you decided to pull some of the stunts seen in the tabloids by white celebrities mimicking black people. It was ignorant and insulting.
I've seen guys get beat-down for less!
I'm approaching your post with humor and a little skepticism; because it really is no big deal. I think you have issues with black people.
Unless you harbor racial prejudice against black men? Why would that pose such a threat to your masculinity?
Men claim they want sex with two women all the time, your girl only gave the lady's version of the same fantasy. You have had sex with Asian and Hispanic women. What's wrong with black women? They come in such diverse shades of color, you probably don't really know if you have or haven't!
Most straight men like big booties, and women of color often have big curvacious booties. White men don't seem to look away when they walk by in tight jeans. Their white girlfriends and wives give them dirty looks that could kill!
If you were a guy in your 50's, I could see the "Archie Bunker's" attitude toward your girlfriend's sexual fantasy. I find her fantasy quite typical, and rather benign compared to some of the more over the top fantasies we normally read about on this site.
Usually men creating sexual scenarios and visuals that would raise the hair on your forearms and the back of your neck. I get the willy-shivers thinking about some of them.
Cut your girl some slack, and be proud of the bulge. You're above the average, and really have no reason for insecurity if you've been honest about your endowment.
At 6'5"; you'd be famous in a gay bar. Size matters in our world, and you've got more than enough in reality, to keep your girl's fantasies just that. FANTASIES!
She has probably closed her eyes and made believe you were some sexy dark hunk! Let me stop, you'll end up on a therapist's couch, or dumping your girlfriend. You don't seem to take a joke very well. I was only kidding! Well, just a little bit.
Chill, dude! Don't hate!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2014): I am a male.
Talking about fantasies is dicey because as your case shows if what she desires may be what you despise. Looks line both of her fantasies totally missed your mark.
I agree with llifton below that these are just fantasies that you asked for them and you heard them so it does not mean you will do it.
I also agree with you about MFM threesome that it is done in the context of dominating a woman and no sane man would consider such female anything else but a trash. Only in staged porno flicks dies a woman dominate but trash is still there... Something you may want to explain your girlfriend
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would also like to add that she started the conversation and before talked about how her parents would not approve of her dating a black guy. I guess it could be a taboo fetish or something ,but it still makes me bit uncomfortable. Also she did not really say the penis question in a joking voice.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (13 January 2014):
 You guys were simply taking about fantasies. That's exactly what it is - a fantasy. Doesn't mean she wants to go out and sleep with someone else. Let alone one with a bigger penis.
Her comment about the black guy and penis size seemed like a joke to me. She was talking about having a fantasy with black dudes and then you went and said you were going to get her a native american guy. So her joke was basically poking fun at you for "what are you afraid of?" I think it was harmless.
FYI: good answer about her being the most attractive.
Try not to let it higher you. I don't think she meant to upset you or make you feel inadequate.
About her being treated like trash in a 3-some - her fantasy may not consist of two men treating her like trash. She may dominate them in her fantasy. Who knows? It's just a fantasy.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (13 January 2014):
You forget about it. She was honest enough to share a fantasy with you, and its not uncommon to fantasize about/be attracted to someone very genetically different than you. Remember - dissimilar DNA has the tendency for many of the genetic diseases to drop out since they are typically recessive, hence one reason for the attraction.
She's with you. Be happy.
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