A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, does this sound like I'm falling out of love? I've been with my bf 21 months, see each other 3-4 times a week, and for the last few months, I've had this nagging feeling that things aren't right. When he calls me, he just talks at me about his day, doesn't really ask about me. And when we spend time together, I'm usually the one to suggest doing something (from going for a walk, seeing friends, to going for a trip away) or the one to cook for him, whereas he is happy to sit and watch TV every night :( I find myself feeling kinda disappointed when we meet, as I look forward to it so much, and it's never what I hope for. I guess it's the honeymoon period wearing off? Because for the first year or so, I'd be so happy just to see him, I'd get butterflies, and I'd feel excited just to get a text from him. We don't argue about stuff, but I am beginning to feel bored, and although we've talked about not getting stuck in a routine, I feel he isn't making an effort to make sure that doesn't happen, and that it's me making all the effort. I do care about him a great deal, our sex life is good, and we had been talking about moving in together (his idea-I was in no hurry to live together as I think that makes things routine too fast, whereas he was talking about it after 5 months together!) but I just don't feel special to him anymore, or excited about us. Before all this, I felt head over heels in love with him, like I could see my whole life with him. So, what do I do? Are these symptoms of falling out of love with someone? Or do I ride it out and see what happens? Thanks :)
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female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (14 June 2012):
 I know exactly what you mean and don't know what it really indicates. Some will say that the man is feeling comfortable with the relationship because he doesn't have to impress you anymore. For me, it wasn't so much about impressing me or doing special things for me...it was just be decent and human towards me. It gets old when someone hardly recognizes you're in the room. It gets old when your significant other no longer makes plans with you, it gets old when you have to not only initiate sex, but anything else you might want to do. It gets old when the other person makes absolutely NO EFFORT to do anything with you in life whatsoever. So to say that is just what a relationship is these days...I don't really buy into that. To me a relationship is two people who want to be together for companionship...as well as other things. If the companionship isn't there...it isn't a relationship. I know how you feel and you aren't alone. I ditched my last boyfriend because I got to feeling this way and was downright lonely. I'm better off being single!
A
female
reader, diamondshards +, writes (13 June 2012):
I think it definitely could be that the honeymoon period is slowly reaching its end- thus, you feel as though just being with him, doing whatever, is not enough anymore and you try and find excitement in activities you could do with him. There's nothing wrong with this in my opinion- routine tends to settle in after nearly two years and trying and shaking things up a bit can be a good idea to bring the spark back in your interaction with your bf. In my opinion, the problem lies in the fact that he sounds content with the way things are now, unlike you- thus, he doesn't see why he should put the effort in it. You know what they say, don't fix it if it ain't broken? If he doesn't feel as though anything broke, he won't feel passionate about trying to fix it, so to speak. If I were you, I'd try and talk to him honestly about how you feel- maybe softening the tones a bit, not mentioning that you think you may have fallen out of love with him- and make him see that things from your point of view do need to change a bit. If even then he doesn't care and continues to act selfishly and only accomodate his needs, you will have unveiled a much bigger issue- that he is essentially uncaring, not sensitive to your needs and egocentric. Only then I'd really start to worry for the future of your relationship.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 June 2012):
 It's not like how it was before but falling out of love sounds too negative. It's like if the relationship isn't broke there is nothing to fix. You are starting to get a realistic view of what a relationship really is. The dating ritual itself can also become routine and eventually you just run out of exciting things to do. When he just talks about his day and not ask about yours, he couldn't read your mind and didn't know that upset you. Maybe he thinks if you want to talk about your day you are free to do so. He is feeling content. His not putting effort in is not indication that he doesn't love you anymore. He is happy to go along with whatever you plan. He is not the initiating type. He could be a boring person but exercise is always good for health. If you find nothing to do going for a walk would be a good idea. While the head over heels feeling would not last forever, you should not rely on him to supply your chemicals you had been used to. The feeling is deep down inside, it's not in the activities you do outside the house.
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