A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a 6 years younger guy.He is 25, a typical American cool guy who's life is about gym and clubbing on the weekends, very social, fun to hang out with but sometimes annoyingly immature!He is a good looking guy with a nice body and he is always telling me to eat less and exercise more (I'm a small frame and nobody would ever call me fat, I'm falling into the normal category) and analyzing every part of my body. Sometimes he says things that I feel he is really trying to make me feel bad about myself, bringing me down... (my luck that I'm very strong, confident and happy with myself)Then he also talks about other girls all the time. He is telling me if he sees some new hot girl at the gym or he his hot co-worker just broke up with her b/f. I don't know how to react. I usually just say: "good for you" and change topic but i'm getting annoyed. He tells me and looks at my face, what the reaction is. Once when I asked what does he wants with these stories he said, it's funny when i get upset. Most of the time I don't. How would you react?I understand flirty people flirt. It's a personal trait, not a choice. Still, there are societal boundaries to be maintained, and there are certainly sensitives that have to be considered. Why would you want to make someone insecure you like?I think guys who work on the perfect body and need constant approval they are the ones who are insecure! They are trying to bring down others so they can feel better. They are telling you all the girl stories so you think you're not that attractive, and you're lucky they are with you. They want to make you feel insecure, they thrive on this! I think a mature, emotionally healthy guy would not do this.Is this an immaturity thing and he'll grow out of it?
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broke up, clubbing, co-worker, flirt, immature, insecure Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, agonyunclechris  +, writes (26 May 2008):
 Heya hun x.
this sort of relationship is one which develops into a controlled relationship. He will slowly work into your head and get you into a trap.
he is bullying you.
your shrinking so that others can shine does not serve the world but your shining will unconciously inspire other people to shine
In other words. He needs to stop bringing you down or you need to find somebody else.He seems to me like he doesnt care and will play any game to keep you at his torment.My advice is To leave if he wont stop/ Love And Light. Chris
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): If he really loved you he wouldn't do and say those things about you but accept you for who you are.
If he wants to find a younger girl with the perfect body, whom we all know, doesn't exist cause everyone has their flaws, let him do that. He'll soon realise what a mistake he's made though and would want to come running back but I wouldn't even give him the time of day.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (27 March 2008):
You are 100% right saying that he is insecure. Thats why he is so obsessed with going to the gym and puts you down in order to make himself feel better. And that is always why he tries to make you jealous and flirts with every girl in sight. Its rather sad that he is so insecure that he has to hurt others in order to make himself feel good temporarily.
These arent signs of immaturity, its just who he is at this moment in time- an insecure person and my guess is he will be this way for a long time and he may not ever change or grow out of it. He has to realise he has a problem and work on it.
And I mean seriously what decent loving bf would try to make his gf upset for his own entertainment? That is wrong!!! You deserve someone who is in love wiht your smile, and does anythign to see it, not anything to make you upset. I suggest you leave him, dont stay with someone so insecure as it is causing you so much pain.
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A
male
reader, polarkite +, writes (27 March 2008):
 Ugh. This guy sounds annoying.
There's nothing for him to grow out of per se. This guy just wants to f**ck with you, basically. Sounds like he's in dire need of some guy friends to act immature with.
Its only been six weeks, but give it some time and he could start wearing down your self-confidence if you are not careful.
On the whole, I think your own analysis is very astute and you understand the situation very clearly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): I think he flirts or over-reacts to hide something. Maybe his inability to hold a relationship. Or maybe he has low self esteem and pushes himself to be better, though it is only him who thinks or sees this. For him pushing you, maybe your not praising him enough, being his little puppy dog.
He sounds like a pain in the ass, and if a girl talked to me that way, I'd tell her what I think of her BS, and say goodbye.
It has nothing to do with his age, it has allot to do with where his been and what he has learned so far in life.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (27 March 2008):
 I wouldn't wait for him to grow up. I'd leave. People like this who try to get a reaction out of you A LOT annoy me A LOT.
And his "advice" doesn't make sense either. "Eat less and exercise more." Then your body is left with nothing!!! The body needs fuel TO exercise!!!!!
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