A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Are there too many issues in our relationship to continue?My bf and I have been together for 3 years most of the time our relationship is brilliant, but some issues keep coming up and we don't seem to be able to resolve them.When we argue (which is not that often) he can be very childish and say hurtful things that I think are below the belt, I really don't know how to handle it when hes being so unreasonable.The other issue is his children, he buys their affections and lets them do what they like when they are round our house, hence they only phone when they want something. They play my bf off against their mother because their co parenting skills are not very good. As they go into teenage years its only going to get worse and it drives me up the wall, but if I say anything i'm the bad guy that has issues with his children coming over!!The other issue is my jealousy over a lot of sexual pics and videos that he kept of a couple of his exes, I admit it annoyed me like hell and told him so, they have now been thrown away! I have not brought this up with him for a long time but now he does by calling me paranoid occasionally, I have explained time and time again I don't care if he talks about them, if he has normal pics of them it was just the sexual ones I had a problem with, I was worried at the time he was not over these 2 exes. Now if he just mentions them slightly its like "oh I can't mention ex as you don't like it" I think I was right to be annoyed about the pics and didn't want them in my bedroom!All in all our relationship is good but i'm concerned these issues keep coming up and I don't know how to stop it once and for all and get back to how things were. Any advice welcome thanks in advance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): There are not to many issues but the problem is that you have lost trust and respect. Explain to me why an healthy man has to have pics of his x girlfriends on his phone. Let me give you a example. Both my boyfriend and I have I phones. Las week while taking a bath it got soaked and had to be sent out to be repaired. My boyfriend just literally tossed me his I phone and said use it while yours is getting fixed. He gave me all the passwords and codes to access everything and if I needed something open to just call him at work any time. He had nothing to hide and he didn't wait for me to tell him about my problem. He was very proactive about the whole thing. Sure Im a women who gets a little interested and looked at his files and stuff and there was nothing horrible only pictures of me and him together and his mom and dad together. I even looked at his facebook and twitter account nothing at all. NO surprise. Why? Because we trust each other and don't hide anything from each other. Can you honestly say the same thing? Read my lips on this item. My boyfriend of three years has no pictures of his x girlfriends or any picture of them anywhere. He only spoke of them once about three years ago when we became a item and said he would never talk about them to me or anybody again. When in a group and some of his buddies ask him about so and so. He says I don't know or don't friggen care and changes the subject. Why? Basically out of respect for me and basically his x s really screwed him over bad. Your getting to a hornets nest when talking about his children. If they are spoiled now hold onto your hat because as they get older they are just going to get worse. And I bet you wont get any support from that idiot of a man. My advice. Move on quickly. Good-luck.
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (21 May 2013):
 Its certainly sounds like there are unresolved issues, this guy hasn’t a clue how to behave? The issues keep reappearing because they have never left. Plus you’re not being jealous or the bad guy; you’re simply finding what is inappropriate for you in this relationship. His children, their inept parenting skills, 2 ex’s to his resume and him mentioning them as if that’s really necessary, and how he minimises your feelings.For me; if a guy can’t lovingly discipline his children, get along with their Mother and put the past behind him, he is hardly capable of looking after me in a mature relationship. Here, he is forever going to call you the bad guy and paranoid because he doesn’t see there’s a problem with his behaviour nor does he validate your feelings… He’s obviously misguided and you’re guiding him opposite. Hence you’ll always butt heads together. Other than suggesting you have an all out, cards on the table discussion about these issues… Perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship; as you say, (and I agree) it’s only going to get worse as the children go into teenage years. Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): one thing i learned from a situation like this one, and let me tell you that a man who respects you never ever will do none of those things to you.."say hurtful things that I think are below the belt,""..As they go into teenage years its only going to get worse and it drives me up the wall, but if I say anything i'm the bad guy that has issues with his children coming over!!""my jealousy over a lot of sexual pics and videos that he kept of a couple of his exes, I admit it annoyed me like hell and told him..""All in all our relationship is good but i'm concerned these issues keep coming up and I don't know how to stop it once.."So, if this is your idea of a good relationship..I dont know why you are looking for advice..THis is a no stop vicious circle and the only one hurt at the end will be you.You deserve better, for sure.
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