A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How do you stop being jealous???? I have never been that jealous of other woman when I have been with boyfriends but in my last relationship my ex boyfriend had a few close female friends and aqaintences and I was very jealous and can't work out why all of a sudden it made me extremely jealous. I had no reason to feel like this and be so insecure, he always told me everything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): I am going to use my successful relationship of three years with my boyfriend as a example. My boyfriend has female friends but never close female friends. To him they are friends and he isn't afraid to tell them when they start crying on his shoulder about their problems and seeking counsel. I understand when you said close friends. Are they kissing and hugging and downing beers and whiskies together? You have to take control of the relationship and sit him down and set guidelines. Just say hey, im giving the hugs and kisses and don't you become dear abby with those women. He has to be a bit more considerate of your feelings and not be afraid to tell his close female friends that hey the line has been crossed and no I cant go home with you and share a couple of drinks. Do you get what I mean? You have feelings and most have been jaded a bit. Tell your man how you are feeling and ask him to help you get rid of those fears. With my boyfriend I never have had any issues with jealously. When I ask him about a women talking to him he tells me the whole story. When he is out and is approached by a female friend he says no I cant come over to talk about old times but later this evening me and my girlfriend will be happy to come over and see you and the rest of the women. Do you see what I am driving at here? If you two are a couple why wouldn't he want to include you in these activities. It should be natural and if he doesn't want to do it is because he may of started a emotional affair with some of his close women friends and he doesn't want to give that up. Then in that case you have every right to be jealous. He is bending the relationship issue that splits couples right up and that is trust. And yes jealousy is the result of broken trust or those unspoken words. I have such as good relationship with my boyfriend that last week he was about ten minutes late coming home and he said he had pulled over to help a women change a flat tire on her audi. I didn't have to ask he came right out with it. I could see he was a bit upset so I didn't say anymore. He later said when he had the tire changed the woman landed him with a big kiss one in which he couldn't avoid. Then she asked him if she could buy him a drink at the local pub as a thank-you for his help. He quickly said no thanks and that I had supper waiting for him and he had to get home. He then jumped in his car and took off toward home. Was I jealous just a smidge but sometimes you have to give your partner the benefit of the doubt. I also know that changing a tire on a Audi is a bitch and doing it as fast as he did reinforced to me that he wasn't comfortable and wanted to get the hell out of this potentially dangerous situation. I hope my examples have helped you. good-luck.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (21 May 2013):
 I suggest reading this book:
The Dangerous Passion, Why Jealousy is as Necessary as Love and Sex, by David Buss.
It's more a popular science book than a self-help book, but you'll understand why we experience the emotion and how it's triggered and managed.
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