A
female
age
41-50,
*ovealways74
writes:Can anyone help me why is it so difficult to meet somebody that is serious? I have had failed relationship after relationship and it normally involves the guy being full of it or a cheater! Is it me? Am I doing something wrong, the way I present myself? Do all African American men mistreat African American women? I don't understand, it really makes me sad, I don't even have a potential anything. I'm 34 and I will be a old maid soon. Any advice, please help Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): Men-haters: Women have to take responsbility here, too. I've said ir before, and I'll say it again, I am amazed at how many good women make terrible choices regarding men: Women love the bad boy, and look over the shoulder of the good guy every tine to get a good look at the dog who will break your heart. And women will cheat with the bad as*... and wonder why they're not happy.
A
female
reader, salvadda  +, writes (5 March 2009):
 Don't give up hope. As far as African American men go there r many good ones.I would like to state that there r men of all kinds, colour, race, religion ect. that fall into this category not only the african american man, men r men as women r women. Your letter seemed to be more of a venting state and its understandable by what little u said. Trust me there is nothing wrong with you. Everyone has thought as u do, even myself at one point. I will tell u my point of view from some experience. Time is the factor. If u meet someone u fancy, take ur time. I don't mean a few weeks, let it go into months. Just date and don't give in. Don't be cold to him but give him enough to see if he will stick around or not. If he is willing to be or continue seeing u that is a sure way of knowing his aim is true. There r still many men out there with morals. In the mean time it will also give u time to get to know him on a personal level.See if he is candid with you. Try getting into his personal life, by this I don't mean spying or interrogating him. Try to get to know him from inside. There is much to talk about when u frist seeing a person and it won't hurt to know as much about him as u can before u decide to take a risk of committing to him. If u take ur time it will let him know ur a serious person. There is nothing wrong with waiting, since u say u have wasted ur time on all these men try taking it slow. This will be time well spent. With respect because u didn't say where u have met these men. I will only state an opinion. Meeting men at a bar isn't the greatest, tho sometimes it works. Have u ever tried going else where such as a book store, I am not sure if u r a church goer but that is a good place also. You can also try to join clubs in area if there r any, such as dance club, it's not a bar by the way. If u have an interest such as art, ect. u can take a class and it will not only educated u but it will give u an opportunity to meet other ppl. There r many good men it is a matter of weeding them out and if u have ever worked in garden u will know this takes time and patience...*s* Above all don't give up and don't blame urself. I don't blame u for being upset, hurt, and frustrated, but have hope, and try not to judge all men in the same way. I am sure u will find someone worthy of you....good luck & take care
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): Sweetie it's not just African American men! Believe me I feel your pain. I have been through cheater after liar after cheater after liar and no end in sight. All we can do is tell ouselves to keep on trucking lol and maybe one day the stars will shine and we will find a good one. Have you tried online meeting? Not a lot of good ones but if you can weed out the bad you may find someone special. The only advice I can give is dont settle for anything less than what you want. Best of luck to you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): There are plenty of decent men. As many as there are assholes.
At 34, you are NOT old. Infact your age is one of the most sought after by most men. The younger ones because you are what we term a MILF, even if you;ve never popped out a sprog.
To the older ones you are an equal and something to be chased and cherished.
Perhaps the reason you seem to attract idiots is because they are the ones you hang around.
Try broadining your horizons outside of race or creed and finding men in places other than bars and clubs and gyms. Join a sporting team or appreciation group or have a talk with friends to see if they can hook you up.
Try internet dating, yes it can be dangerous, but you are more then old enough to judge and take care of yourself.
Don't give up. We ARE out there. It just takes time to find us as most of the time we don't broadcast our existence in neon-lights like some other forms of men, the ones you want to avoid.
Flynn 24
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