A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I don’t quite know what I want to say here, I guess I am looking for some kind words, anyone who can say something inspirational, maybe I just need chearing up?Me and my bf have been trying for a baby for over a year and we havnt managed as yet. Every month I wonder if it will happen but it doesn’t. I have had some fertility problems but I was given an operation to help two years ago. We have been to see a specialist who performed tests and we have both come back ok except my blood tests show that I am quite infertile. I am 38, my bf is 37. I am 39 in December and because we have not been trying for 3 years and I have no significant fertility issues other than my age (that doesn’t count) we have been told we will not get offered IVF. I am starting clomid this month for 3 months. We could pay for IVF I guess but we don’t earn much and we have a mortgage. Its very expensive. We have been together two years. I know he’s the one. I really don’t think I can conceive. I don’t regret not having children because I have only just met the man I want to have them with ? he loves kids, I’m afraid I wont be able to give them to him. he doesn’t seem to have any intention of leaving me over this yet but who knows what will happen in 5 years. I feel really down. I love him so much. I know you cant expect to have everything that you want in life but I thought that I would have children and I feel so sad that I can tsee it happening. I actually wonder if I am pre-menopausal. If there are any good stories out there of people conceiving despite the odds, later in life, I would love to hear from you. Thanks for reading.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (4 September 2011):
 I assume you're going thru NHS instead of private? Here in the US, you only have to try for at least a year, until you can get referred to fertility treatments. Even then we don't have a health system like NHS, and we have no choice but to go private and pay for it out of our pockets. If you are your significant other can't get a second job for IVF alone, then you should start taking a little of each month out of your paychecks to go in a separate fund for IVF. Then I would take this time to make sure any debts are paid off that way you can fund the rest through loan payments. If there's a will, there's a way.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2011): Hi. I'm the OP. IUI is not available is it is not a reliable method in this country. Egg donorship is avialble if you are under 40 but I would rather keep trying (you need to have been trying for THREE YEARS to get fertility treatment such as donorship, IVF - I did mention this in my post!)As far as talking to my doctor goes; I find them very negative and dont give me much hope, so actaully, I would rather talk to normal people. There is no way in hell I could take a second job, I already work 40+ hours a week. I saw a homeopathic doctor yesterday and had acupuncture and he said he does not think my situation is that bad and that I am not pre-menopuasal whcih has made me feel better. Thanks for replying.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (3 September 2011):
 I had two friends who had this happen to them. One was 42, she had been married for 7 years and wanted a baby so much. She was constantly stressed out about getting pregnant, and her age was really starting to worry her. She had 2 miscarriages, and was pregnant with twins the third time she got pregnant, one of the twins died, but she carried the other baby full term and had a beautiful baby boy. My other friend had also been married for around 7 years, and had been trying for years to have a baby. She was turning 40, and no luck. Her and her husband finally decided to adopt a little girl..and guess what? Right after they adopted she got pregnant and had a girl!! So yes, "miracles" do happen....I wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (2 September 2011):
Only the doctor can answer your questions when it comes to the odds of you conceiving naturally.
Have you asked the doctor what would be the odds with Intrauterine washings, or IUI? Since there's no male issue, that may work and it's tons cheaper. If you really want to conceive a child, then I would get a second job and start putting back $ for IVF. However, if that's totally out of the question have you thought about adoption?
Another thing I wanted to point out, is that before looking into expensive fertility treatments..you might want to tie the knot, (at the least engaged) with your boyfriend to ensure that you're in this together for the long haul.
Lastly, I want to mention you'll get more of what you're after on this site. It's a site I go to because I too am struggling to conceive a child for 19 months now. There's loads of ladies on there with success stories in the LTTC (long term trying to conceive) section. Good luck in your journey, it's a rough one.
www.babyandbump.com
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2011): Hello,
I'm not sure if this will help but my parents were told that they could never conceive and after trying for 11 years they got pregnant with me! That was 34 years ago :o)
You sound like you're handling this really well and not getting too stressed. Hang in there.
Have you considered egg sharing? I think you can get IVF cheaper that way (i.e., you donate an egg to another woman). If you think you're pre-menopausal, would you consider taking another woman's egg? The baby would still be yours as you'd carry him or her for 9 months and he/she would biologically be your husbands.
Good luck :o)
xxx
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