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male
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*olymoog1
writes: Hi I'm 35 and my girlfriend is 47 and apparently going through the menopause. I am at my wits' end because although our relationship has been unconventional and difficult to nail down from day one, it's now unbearable for me.Shes been married twice before she met me. Both partners where unfaithful and the second also physically beat her up. She has 4 kids -- 2 to the first husband and 2 to the second.The problem for me now is I'm getting mixed signals all the time. One minute she's saying "you're my future" and we're walking through town holding hands and then the next I won't see her for a week. If I phone and ask to see her she's so nasty and says things like "I don't have time for anyone else right now except myself!!!" , and then, annanounced, she'll call and expect me to be all smiles and ready to see her as if nothing has happened.She's been back and forth from the doctors for tests , and point blank refuses to let me in and tell me what's wrong.Shes told me that she's depressed, but the visits to the doctors are surrounded with an "I told you , I dont wanna talk about it" air of hostility.I've told her I love her and that I would marry her tomorrow and even though in the past she's told me that she loves me (but shes not " IN " love with me ) and in the space of a year and a half we've broken up about 5 times. She has a hold on me like glue and although I'm so totally exhausted I can't bring myself to ending it for a number of reasons:a) I don't want to be alone and back at square one as a single 35 year old man, on the shelf again.b) I would like to stay the course and see some light at the end of the tunnel and have my faithfulness and patience rewarded with an enduring love that can weather all storms.But right now, she is testing me to my limits. We havent had sex in 2 possibly 3 weeks and even though I've phoned her, and on one occasion, called with flowers and chocolates, I received a frosty reception cos she said she needed space.I don't suspect foul play, but please tell me, What in blazes do I do?Do I play the patience game, or do I stop this in its tracks right now?Thank you for your time
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female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (5 February 2006):
 I really do think all the problems you are experiencing with your girlfriend is menopause related.
This is a time of great turmoil for a lot of women, as the hormonal balance is out of sync, which can play absolute havoc with the emotions... depression & mood swings are all part of it, not to mention the hot flushes, headaches & even short term memory loss!
The sooner she starts treating it, the better for all ...
Some physicians recommend HRT ( hormonal replacement therapy ) but studies have found that the natural forms of HRT are the better option, as the unnatural ones( chemical forms ) can often do more harm to the body, with a tendency to cause breast cancer & thrombosis ( varicose veins) etc..
I looked up a wesite for you to go check out at www.menopausematters.co.uk where you will find loads of advice on this topic.
She really is displaying classic symptoms of menopause & she must be going through hell, I am sure.
I have known people to get divorced over problems caused by the menopause... it can turn a woman into a raving lunatic at best!
Hope I have been able to help in some small way.
Wishing you both all the best for the future.
Take Care.
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