| A ,
*elly16
writes: My world changed when I was 12. I was sexually abused by my mum's boyfrend. Nobody knows and they're still together now. Only thing is I find it really hard to open up to people. I often sit in my room by myself. There's so many thngs in my head that I just want to get out of my system, cause I feel like it's eating me up. Only problem is I'm scared. I don't know if that's the reason I fall for any guy that pays me a compliment. Could it be I feel unloved? I'm only 16 and already had sex twice. Both times were with boys who were just using me, complete sh???. Thing is, I never learn my lesson. I flirt like mad with any guy that pays me attention! I totally need help. kel
View related questions:
flirt, unloved Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, advicegirl  +, writes (10 January 2007):
 heyaa hunnniixwell the first thing you need to do is tell your mum, police, or older brother/sister about your mums bf , because you dont want him to do it to any other children. Your family will complety understand hunnixx!And it may help your lovelife as wellxxx.....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2005): the only way that you will feel better,is to speak up and not be embarrased to tell people what happend.he needs to be punished and you bhave to turn him in!he should be ashamed for what he did!don't let him ruin your life as well and other children's lives!!do the right thing!xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, ritzy +, writes (29 September 2005):
I am a mother of 3 adult daughters. You are not alone in the world of sexual abuse. Your feelings and actions are typical. You can and will survive this with the proper help. There are dedicated professionals that can help you through this as well as help you understand how it ties in with your current relationship behaviors. You can start by calling the national abuse toll-free number for teens is 1-800-USA-KIDS or 1-800-872-5437. Asking for help is the first step. You deserve a happy and peaceful life. Please make the call. Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (29 September 2005):
 My heart goes out to you and I can understand how lonely and unhappy you feel. Of course there are lots of things on your mind and the urge to release them must be so intense. This, as I'm sure you realise, is what you should do.
It is normal for you to feel scared as a result of the abuse; an adult exploited your trust as well and the emotional scars need to heal. They will in time but you must confide in someone.
In your own way, you are reaching out for love and understanding but in return getting hurt yet again.
You deserve so much better than to be used and it is only natural for you to respond to anyone who pays you a compliment.
The very first thing for you to do is to stop beating yourself up about the fact that you have slept with 2 guys. You are very young to be able to learn such a lesson of resisting men who will only use or abuse you; many much older women are still making the same mistake! You already have the insight that many of the more mature lack so you have nothing to feel bad or guilty about.
Is there anyone at all you can confide in? An adult who you trust? A teacher, a relative? I urge you to do this as it is essential for you to release all that is inside you; to let it all out. You need to know that you aren't alone; there are many who would help you.
You mention that your mum is still with her boyfriend. Is it entirely out of the question for you to tell her? Would you feel she wouldn't believe you? She should, of course, know what he has done to you and wish to protect you.
There are also counsellors and other professionals who would welcome you to confide in them and get it out of your system for the healing process to begin.
You need to be able to love yourself as well as to feel loved by others. Reach out and find the help and support that you need because it is there.
You will find someone who will treat you well just as you deserve but give it some time and do not worry. You are a special young woman with so much to offer and you just need a bit of support and love to ease you back onto the road that will make you happy.
My thoughts are with you.
...............................
A
reader, kt +, writes (29 September 2005):
 hi, its natural for a girl for a girl of your age to fall for a guy thats nice to you and when they pay you compliments it makes you feel good too. so dont worrie there is nothing wrong with you. you just need to know when to say no, not just to the boy but to yourself too. that can sometimes take alot of confidence.
and if you feel that if dont take the next boy that pays you a compliment, there wont be anyone else, there will be. i went though that. just wait till the right guy comes along, a specail guy, so then you wont regrete it
good luck and if i was you i would tell your mum about her bf and bond with her because im sure she has gone though stuff youve been though or your about to go though and i bet she can give you loads of advice too x x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2005): me and u have a lot in common my names kelly, i was abused when i was 10 on top of that i started my period 2weeks after being sexually abused by a man that was nearly my grandad, ive been used,cheated on and even beat up im 18 now! kel ive got to be honest with you you do really need to talk to your mom about it you sincerly need to tell her dont let him get away with it thats what i did i told no one lucky enough he died, but this man may not die just yet and your going to have to take each step knowing you've not told anyone! its a really hard thing to talk about and if you not want to talk to your mom about it then talk to a close friend or ralative see their point of veiw. its not fare on you to go through this on your own i know how hard it is! i use to sit in my room by my self too. that was untill i met the most amazing person that helped me open up i still ent properly opening up 2day but im as close as! what i think you need is that same person i have sum1 2 help you open up! it's easy to meet that person i met him unexpecterly. the main thing to think about is would you really like to put this man behind bars because of what he did before he does it to any one else? if i could turn back time i would to the man that sexually abused me! but i didnt and i live with that regret now! it will still skar you for ever maybe but of course it will get easier it has 4 me! and as for the attention every girl likes a little attention dont they i defanetly do! the only way you will find out if you meet the special lad is by makeing them chase you my man now chased me 4 a year and geuss what were 2gether 3yrs later, it will take time in makeing lads chase you as some of them will attend to give up that will show mr wrong big cross over him dont go chaseing him and maybe that 1day mr right will chase you 4 a long time that will show big tick his a darling. try conculling when told your mom if you wish too. good luck chuck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2005): I am 32 with kids and I told my parents that i had been sexually abused at 12,the abuser also did my sister and the abuse took place over a few years repeatedly.I didnt tell them till two years ago when i was expecting my second son.Looking back I wish I could have been brave enough to expose this sex abuser at the time.But instead I hid it in shame,(you are a victim of a serious crime). I messed up my schooling,played truent.I was promiscuous as most abused are cause you lack respect for yourself. I lied to everyone and got into all sorts of trouble as a teenager.I had abusive relationships and many addictions to try and hide my pain. Well now Im a parent Ive realised how it messed up my life and so its all out in the open now Im honest about who I am and finally have some respect for myself with the help of a loving husband.
Now the man who did the abuse was arrested a few weeks ago he didnt stop at me and my sister.We and others have been asked to make statements to the police who handle this kind of thing really well now. For the sake of all his victims I wish I could have told someone and now Ive realised what harm has been done I would advise anyone to tell,youve done nothing wrong this man will ruin your life your future relationships,you bond with your mother,carrying this kind of secret for too long will harm you and your mom and others in the future I hope you can be brave an tell a reponsible adult even if you cant tell your mom. trying to get attention from men is just a way of getting some love,only offering your self to guys on a plate will only get you lack of respect from them and how you feel about yourself.You deserve repect,and you will meet a nice bloke who loves you one day for who you are not what you can give.
...............................
|
