A
male
age
30-35,
*erbilplay4
writes:Hello. My mum and dad are currently breaking up, although I have the feeling that they shouldn't be. Basically, my dad gave up smoking a year and a half back, but his job has gotten really stressfull. My mum had this happen two times before and said she wouldn't put up with it a third. His attitude has changed a lot.Yesterday, my mum asked him to put out the bins, but being a fool, he didn't round them up and sort out recycling first. My mum then tells him off and he gets angry. The next thing that happens is he smashes the bin into tiny pieces. My mum was outside the whole time. We have a drain outside our house so being frightened of him at this point, my mum put her wedding ring and engagement ring down the drain. I don't think you need much more of the story.Basically now it's all over, but I don't know if this is the right thing to do or not? Either way, all three of us (mum, dad and me) will be left in financial ruin. My mum has had an affair about 15 years ago and aborted a baby from another man (which dad knows about).Is this really the right thing to do, please help me.Thanks.
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female
reader, Ravenxx91 +, writes (26 October 2009):
 tbh this isn;t your battle. Your in my age range, get out and go live for yourselve and leave them to their own choices.
At the end of the day im on your dads side on this, she had an affair, was stupid enought to not use protection and get pregnant and then aborted the child and tell your dad hes a bad buy cause of the way he took the bins out?!
If it was such a problem she should do it herself, not throw about their symbol of their commitment down a DRAIN...
sorry, i think you should accepted and let them both be happier, there are obviously faults which are your parents business and no one elses.
A
female
reader, sappygirl  +, writes (26 October 2009):
 Divorce is a painful and tough thing.
but it looks like your parents have gotten to the point where they do not respect or love each other.
Your mom cheated and your dad probably holds a lot of resentment.
Communication is broken.
Sometimes parents stay together for the kids, but you are older now.
I think they've just grown apart and maybe weren't right for each other. As painful as divorce is, it gives both parties a chance to see where they went wrong, and space and time apart. Just because you love each other means you're meant to be together forever.
Be strong, hang in there, and know it's not your fault.
Try not to let this damage your faith in marriage. Just be picky who you pick as a partner in life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): "Yesterday, my mum asked him to put out the bins, but being a fool, he didn't round them up and sort out recycling first."Yeah, cut that shit out. You may be over 18 but the guy is your father and doesnt need to be judge a fool by the likes of you. Frankly, I am on his side. How he does a job is up to him. If she doesnt like the way its done she has two arms and can do it herself. The guy is paying for trash pick up- he is the customer. If he wants to do a sloppy job thats up to him. The trash bins symbolize nothing. The rings symbolize their marriage and commitment so your mother is the one who committed the provocative, over the line act and she is the one who needs to apologize- for being a nag and for the insult with the rings. It sounds like you are Oliver Twist and its time for you to make your own way in the world. If they have any chance is probably with you away so they dont feel they have to play up to a crowd how unfair they are being treated the other party. Strike out on your own- it will be good for all of you. But by all means steer clear of women that remind you of your mother in anyway.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 October 2009):
I'm going to be honest here, and say that it is the right thing to do. A lot of things have happened in the past, your mum cheating and aborting another man's baby, your Dad getting stressed at work and such. There are probably a lot of other things you don't know about and you would really hurt if you did know. They have reached a point where it is impossible for them to comminucate properly because neither will listen and they have grown so far apart. The important thing here is that youu don't feel like you're in the middle of this. Don't take sides, don't let them use you to communicate. This will be hard for you, mentally and financially, so make you get get some counselling to help you. All the best to you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): well, it is a bad situation. my parents divorce 3 years ago and it was a bit messy. then this year they began talking and going to dinner. Even as adults, we do not want our parents to get divorce and live apart because it is still emotional just like a small child would be. the fights and reconciliations need to be between ur parents. u getting involved will put u in the middle. my best advice is to keep ur opinions to urself no matter what. if it turns nasty everything gets thrown up and u will be stuck in an even more terrible situation. in life u hear the saying some people need to learn on their own..well, that is a true statement. no matter how much u think u can help, it is ur parents actions and decisions to get thru this. hope everything turns out well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): Unfortunately, this isn't your battle. Parents will do what they are going to do, your only job is focus on you in situations like this. Worry about school or friends, but your parents are out of your control.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (26 October 2009):
Sorry for the upheaval. It sounds as if there's alot more to the story- your father loosing it, your mom throwing away valuable jewelery (which I would see if you cxan have someone retreive).
While it may not seem like it now, you'll come out of this OK. It's easy to anticipate a catasphropy, but that seldom happens. Your parents need to make sure that they don't drag you into the middle of this- you need to tell both of them how your feeling and start talking to them about it.
Good luck!
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