A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I moved to a different province for school. I ended up meeting an older guy , he's 41. We decided to not focus on labels and to just have fun , we both agreed that because of our age difference changes are our relationship wouldn't probably last long. It basically started out sexual but then we started hanging out more and more. He is amazing , hes sweet , funny , he makes me laugh and he encouraged me to do well in school. But he also likes to spoil me. He says he likes buying me things because to himIt's just and he loves seeing my expressions When he surprise me with things. In the past four months we have went in four trips, just recently we went to bora bora. When we came home I went to bed and he had a phone call I over heard him telling his friend that he was worried about our relationship because he felt he was overly emotionally invested and that he didn't know how to shut his feelings off when it came to me and how I was the greatest thing that ever happened to him. I was floored , he treats me amazing when we're together and he has told me he loved me but I kinda just thought that was his way of keeping me in bed with him. I talked to one of my girl friends and she was really rude about things , she said he was probably just saying that because he knew I was listening and that he was a sugar daddy and that was it . I didn't go out looking for an older guy with money , I think of him as a sugar daddy. IReally like him and have for months but didn't want to scare himOff , should I tell Him how I feel ? Do you everyone thinks it's a sugar daddy relationship
View related questions:
money, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 January 2017):
 I can see why your friend has that opinion. He is double your age so it is hard not to form that opinion. But you are both adults therefore you can do whatever you like. Just make sure you know what you are doing. He may very well be buying your affection. But do you truly have feelings for him? I mean don't settle with him because he spoils you because that would be denying yourself the chance off true love. Don't mistake presents for affection or holidays for love.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (24 January 2017):
 If I'm totally honest, I'd be quite worried if a grown man found a young adult dating material - he should be established in his life and want a woman who is also at a similar time in hers, not an 18-21 year old lady who is just starting out.
If you were my family member, I'd be wary of this guy because, as nice as he may be, he shouldn't see you as anything more than someone who could be his daughter. You're his playmate and make him feel young, which is why he's falling for the fantasy and probably not for all of you, regardless of how amazing you are.
I really think it's a bad idea to continue with this man because you should have as much in common as a mentor and student, not a couple - if you are each at the right stages in your lives.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2017): I want to add that you are very young, and will be impressed and overwhelmed by the attention and gifts. Please don't allow greed to make you attached to what he offers you; rather than actually reciprocating his feelings. Don't be fake and lead him on, nor let him woo you with his wealth.
I must offer you a few words of caution. He may eventually grow restless, find someone he can relate to closer to his own age, another pretty girl; or your feelings could change and draw you to another guy. Just don't use him. That may hurt you more than it will hurt him. He's older and more experienced. He's prepared for anything that can go wrong.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2017): If your feelings match his, I see no problem. If you find yourself getting spoiled, ask him to slow-down on the gifts and incentives; and just focus on ways to show you his actual feelings. You can spend a lot of cash on a prostitute or a gold-digger; and get the same kind of gratitude and loyalty. Love has nothing to do with it.
Your girlfriend was very perceptive, if not jealous; by suggesting you do make sure he has no ulterior motives and his generosity is not for the purpose of purchasing your affections.
You have to make sure that you are attaching your feelings to someone who has true affections beyond his generosity.
I had a ten-month fling with a millionaire three years ago. We did everything you described. Gifts, trips, dinners, you name it. He out of nowhere decided to dump me. I guess the fling wore-off. He told me I could do better. I'm much older than you; but that blind-sided and floored me. I came to DC to vent my feelings, offer my wisdom and experience by helping people. Which also helped me to recover from that breakup. I did actually love him. He didn't love me.
I've found new love, real love. Just as generous, just as rich, but he's a self-made man of a sweet and humble nature.
This has lasted nearly three years, and it's thriving. I guess helping others will bring reward. Being true to myself has brought me strength, more independence, and I won't take crap from no guy. I have self-love on reserve and I was made stronger by being dumped. Learning to allow love to find me, rather than desperately chasing my tail for it. The money has nothing to do with it, I earn a very good living on my own.
Stay until you see signs that he's waning in his attention, shows his ugly side, or reminds you you're his property. If that happens, hightail it out of there. No matter how attached you are by that time. If he takes back his gifts, you've dodged a nasty bullet! Learn to say no thanks, so he'll know you're not just in it for the benefits. That is, if he's really sincere about having feelings for you. You'll know if that's the case.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2017): You never really explain how you yourself feel....you say he's sweet, funny, etc. But do you think you live him? You are very young to have an age difference that big.maybe if you were even a few years older, that same difference would be fine, but you are still almost a kid right now so be careful. I think he does truly have feelings for you, so you both need to be careful not to fall too deep if it can't last
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (23 January 2017):
To a degree, age doesn't matter - but this is a time when it does, as he's buying your affections (whether intentional or not) and he shouldn't see someone your age as dateable.
It does seem like a sugar daddy situation, even if it's not deliberate. I think you're both getting lost in the moment and not being realistic about the difference in your life stages. I don't think it would be wise to continue seeing each other for hook ups, friendship or a relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, AskCatherine  +, writes (23 January 2017):
When reading your question, the only advice which i can think of. Is, do what makes you happy, think about how you feel.
Your friend may just be looking out for you, so dont take it too badly, but why dont you focus on your own well being for now to see what you want.
Or maybe talk to your partner, explain the situation. Maybe think of slowing things down instead, getting to know each other. Then tbat way you will see the real him.
...............................
|
