A
female
age
30-35,
*ysterium
writes:Hey allTill now, I've had very hurtful experiences with the guys I've been involved with/liked. I always feel like I've been abandoned or left to myself. And that the other person doesn't feel any remorse in doing so. I know I'm probably wrong but in most cases my heart has been torn to shreds. But lately I met this person who fits the stereotype of being "bad". He comes from a rich family. He has an entitled attitude. He gets wasted almost thrice a week , gets into fights, goes for these expensive holidays and doesn't work too much. This definitely isn't the person I would want to date. But, he treats me so well. He has come to fall in love with me and I can feel it. He's extremely gentle and patient with me and he is very caring. I like all of this and I feel like this is the most important thing in a relationship. But I can't get myself to commit to him. Not like I'm seeing people on the side. But I cannot get myself to be his "girlfriend". I'm holding back because I don't want to end up being in a bad relationship again...where I'm not respected and I don't feel cared for. He typically checks off being the guy who would eventually treat me wrong but he's proving me wrong at every step. I don't know if I should stop holding back. I'm scared to get hurt. Should I let go and be in this relationship completely? Or should I quit before it gets bad for me? Thanks for all the advice! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 January 2017):
 I think you are holding back because deep down even though he is showing you signs that he adores you, you know what he is like and his personality. It sounds like he always gets what he wants, and am sure for him to get a girl he needs to pull out all the stops and treat them like he cares. I think you should avoid this one, because his personality speaks volumes.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 January 2017):
 The very fact that you need to ask this tells me you actually KNOW this guy is not right for you. Just because he ticks ONE of your boxes AT THE MOMENT, does not mean he is a good bet. You are walking into this with your eyes wide open. You are totally aware of his faults and short-comings, as you have listed them for us. Yet, just because he currently "treats you well", you are abandoning all self-preservation instincts and thinking of having a relationship with him. I would suggest you add a few more tick boxes to your list of what you need/want in a partner - including a good work ethic, self control where alcohol is concerned and non-violent. If you keep being drawn to the same type of men, you will continue getting the same results, which will include getting hurt. Break the pattern. Be more choosy. You deserve better than some violent drunk who lives off his parents - because that is all this man is at the moment. If one of your friends was thinking of dating someone who she had described like you have described this man, what would your advice be? "Yeah, go for it, he sounds terrific" or "Get the hell away from that guy"? YOU DESERVE BETTER and there are better men out there. You just have to keep looking. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2017): He sounds as if he's a player, which means he will be skilled at behaving as if he's in love with you, treating you well etc etc and then when you start to like him and want HIM more, he will have you where he wants you.
I could be wrong, but whenever I hear anyone saying about how well someone treats them, it causes alarm bells to ring in my ears.
What you're after is someone who is a normal human being who is thoughtful and kind and considerate of you, but not someone who treats you like a princess. It's over the top and not real and done to win you over. If he is entitled he will be a nightmare, if he's violent it will only be a matter of time before he turns it on you.
Read about abuse and educate yourself about this type of man and then give him a wide berth.
When you meet someone who's right for you, I don't think you'll be feeling like this.
Good luck
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