A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and I'm feeling a lot of pressure to do things, you know the kind of thing, like touching etc. We've done some things that I wouldn't normally consider appropriate for my age, but I feel our relationship is really special, we're best friends and support each through bad and good and we never have serious arguments, and if we do we always get over them. People keep asking if I've tossed him off or if he's fingered me and stuff and it really disturbs me, it's as if I'm expected to do it at my age (I'm 15) but to be honest the idea really freaks me out, I really don't want to touch him or have him touch me and he doesn't want to either but I feel like a freak for not wanting to because it seems expected at my age. Is this normal?
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male
reader, Finn  +, writes (18 December 2010):
It doesn't matter if feelings are normal. What matter's is if they're healthy. And the only way to know if they're healthy or not is to ask yourself whether they contribute to your happiness and well-being. If you believe they do, then you're set.
To be perfectly honest, what's probably normal for teens today is for them to cave into peer pressure and do things that conflict with their values and beliefs because they think it will make them accepted. But that course of action always ends up making people miserable, so while it's the norm, it's certainly not healthy.
A
female
reader, sammi star +, writes (17 December 2010):
 You seem to have your head screwed on and it's great that you're aware of what you are and aren't willing to do.
Don't listen to what other people say...just because your peers say they've done things doesn't necessarily mean they have. Think about it, they're going through the same pressures that you are, feeling that they have to claim to be sexually active in oder to be 'normal'
Concentrate on what you want to do and don't let others influence this very personal decision.
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A
female
reader, BlondeBabe x +, writes (17 December 2010):
 Never do anything that you don't want to do as you could regret it later. Just take your time and do what you feel is right and trust your own instincts.
In my opinion you are still abit young and you should never feel that anything is expected of you. If your boyfiend is the way you describe him to be then he should understand that you don't want to rush anything and that you just want to take your time. Set the boundries that you feel are right and don't listen to what others say as they aren't you. Only you know how you feel and that's what counts the most.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 December 2010):
 I think if YOU feel it's something YOU don't want to do, then don't do them. If others do them *shrug* that is their deal. You do NOT have to do what "everyone" else is doing.
Some start out with sex and sexual things early, some wait til they are comfortable with it. I don't think there is a "right" age to do certain things, but I do think it is the RIGHT thing to wait til you ARE ready. Never feel pressured into doing something that feels wrong.
You seem to have a keen sense of your own limits and boundaries and honey, nothing wrong in that. Seems like your BF feels the same way and THAT is a good thing.
Personally I didn't have a BF til I was almost 19. I just wasn't that interested in all that came with it til then.
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (17 December 2010):
 Yes, absolutely.
If you don't feel comfortable doing it, then don't do it.
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