A
female
age
36-40,
*ands_down317
writes:My boyfriend passed away 3 years ago and he was my first love, my first everything in fact. We dated for 5 years, so you can imagine how attached I was to him. Now that I've accepted it and a couple years have gone by i'm dating a new guy whom i love dearly but he's concerned that I'm still hooked on this guy. And the more I think about it the more I begin to doubt myself if I'm really over him. There are some times when I do compare things, I mean my passed boyfriend did set the bar a little high, are my expectations to high now or am I just not over him? Will I ever get over him?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 May 2009):
 I hope you will get over your late boyfriend. You owe yourself the chance to be happy again.
I think that anyone who has been in more than one relationship sort of compares one and the other. You used to understand relationships one way, and then another person comes and you see that the way to maintain a relationship with her, the expectations she has, et cetera, are all different.
Maybe this is what is happening to you. You want anyone who comes to be way better than the person you lost, maybe because that way you wouldn't feel like you're betraying your late boyfriend. But, that's not the case, and love is worth trying even though it is never perfect. By the way, in this situation, "perfect" is a tricky word, and I would rather use "love is never just the way you want it".
Be willing to take your chances. You're so young to give up.
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