A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have only been together a couple months and already moved in together. At first it was basically just me staying with him, we didnt register me as living here or anything, but now we're going to so i can get work, hopefully. I'm only 19 years old and ive never been in a relationship this serious, and my boyfriend (whose 28) has never had a real relationship before, so its like first love for both of us. We have lovely times together dont get me wrong, we have romantic moments and he makes me smile and laugh. I love him too much to leave him, or go live back home and just visit him every now and again. My problem is, i've never been this close with anyone before and i want to experience everything with him. I know it sounds sad, but i want to go to the seaside with him, go on picnics, little walks, go on mad little adventures etc. But his idea of fun is taking drugs and drinking, and thats all he can think of when we have money and need something to do. The other thing as well is, i'm unemployed and starting college in September, so i sit around for ten hours out of every day on my own doing nothing, and he comes home and usually just wants to go to bed or by the time he gets home i'm half asleep anyway and i want to. So we get NO time together and the time we do get we dont do anything worthwhile, we might watch a film or eat something, but we never go out places. We stay in this block of flats day in day out, only time we leave is to go downstairs to visit other friends who live in the same block or go for bits and bats across the road at the shopping centre...I'm bored! I'm really really bored. I want more from this relationship but he cant stop working because then we'd have nowhere to live and i understand that. I just want us to do more things together! For his birthday a fortnight ago i was gonna take us camping, and have a good night but he said he didnt want to and wanted to go clubbing instead :( I just want to show him theres more to life than getting intoxicated but im afraid hes too long gone. Hes not addicted to drugs, he doesnt depend on them but every time he has money he feels to need to buy them. I'm not into drugs or drink in particular, i want some adventure! What can i do to make him see?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah i understand that a person needs to do it for themselves, its so frustrating though! Ive told him he can do drugs as long as they dont effect me. I dont really have a problem with him drinking or doing drugs, the problem i have is thats all he does and he doesnt have a life outside work and them. I just wish he'd do something with his life and realise that there is more to life than the way he lives! Hes so intelligent and its frustrating to see his life going down the swanny so young. I want to do more with him. Im afraid to tell him because then ill probably get the money lecture considering im not working and he is! I know thats all it will result in. Or he tells me that on his days off he just wants to chill, not do anything adventorous. We are going to his mums in Wales and to Spain in the summer but what about now? Because im seriously considering leaving. I'm a really bored person, i need something to keep my attention else i wind up depressed. I dont even want a lot, i dont care if it costs nothing at all, i dont ask tht he spends money on me at all. I just want to do something!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your help.
We do have a lot in common, thats why i didnt leave when we first met and we havent been able to leave each others sides, because we get along so well. We dont yell at each other, we agree on most things and it just sorta works. I just wanna know how i can inject some fun into things.
I was worrying about the drugs thing, hes been taking them for the past ten years with all his friends, he doesnt have one friend who isnt into drugs, and that worries me more than anything. I dont know if ill be able to save him from it!
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