A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, do men in their early 40s go off sex?. My partner is 42 and our sex life is non exsistent. He says he is tired and that some relationships dont need sex, that you can be with someone and friendship is more important. I am 6 yrs younger than him and although agree its not the be all and end all, you do still need to remain intimate as you grow apart. We rarely share any affection and i feel old before my time. Im pretty sure he has problems and that could be where the problem lies but he doesnt see the need to seek medical help. I feel frustrated. Should i maybe just accept this life and seek my own pleasure elsewhere or will his problem sort itself out in time?
View related questions:
sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, uroboros +, writes (7 January 2012):
men in their mid 40's might suffer from lower sex drive, rarely impotency, or something else.he avoids sex itself only, or did he go off cuddling and kissing as well?
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (7 January 2012):
 Most men thoroughly enjoy sex up until they can't have sex anymore (and even then there are medications to help with that).
I think he is rationalizing the fact that his sex drive has decreased by saying relationships don't need sex. No one likes to admit they are aging and sex drive is often one of the key indicators of aging. While 42 does seem a bit early for that sentiment to creep in, it hits guys at different ages. He isn't getting any younger, so it isn't likely that tomorrow he's going to be going hog wild for sex.
However, I agree with him on the surface: not every relationship needs to be about sex. Many loving couples do survive on a more platonic level. And there is no crime when BOTH parties agree to this.
What gets in the way is when one party wants (more) sex than the other. This often leads to resentment, adultery (cheating), and fights. Physical intimacy is important as it helps release pleasure hormones that help bind couples together. When one person is being deprived of that feeling, bad things happen.
Ultimately, I think you need to determine for yourself whether you buy your boyfriend's argument. If sex and physical love are not important to you, then it sounds like he is a keeper. But if it is something that you are going to have to give up in order to keep him, you may wind up cheating yourself of one of the greatest pleasures in life. Only you can determine that and only through self-reflection will you come up with an answer.
Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 I think we men love sex at all ages. I also think he knows that.
Problems don't solve themselves.
You should not cheat if that is what you mean by "seeking your own pleasure elsewhere". If the relationship does not offer what you need, talk to the man, and if the problem is still there, then leave. But don't cheat. That is certainly a problem that doesn't disappear on its own.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 January 2012):
 NOT all men in their 40s go off of sex...
has he had a medical work up? could he have LOW T?? they have patches for that... it's not just about sex with low testosterone... there is being tired...
if you are not affectionate then that's the problem... we are affectionate daily.. we cuddle and kiss all the time... sex... once or twice a week and for a new relationship (a year) that's not a lot IMO.... but we have the affection and my guy has ED....
IF he won't get a medical work up and try to fix the problem then you have to make a choice
a. leave him
b. live with it the way it is
c. propose an open relationship so you can have sexual relations with someone else
d. cheat (not something I recommend but i like to offer it to show that i'm open minded)
Personally if it was me, I would go to him and say
"look BF I love you (if you do) but I need MORE from this realtionship... i need affection and intimacy (not necessarily SEX mind you). I would much prefer I get it with and from you, but if you are unwilling to seek a solution to this problem these are our options...."
and go from there...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): I think it is likely that he is suffering from erectile dysfunction or impotency, or at least decreased sex drive. The only thing I can suggest is that you talk to him, frankly and honestly, about your feelings. As you say, physical intimacy is an important part of an adult relationship. After all, he doesn't have to have intercourse to ensure that you are satisfied... Another important part of an adult relationship, particularly where sex is concerned, is COMMUNICATION. It is important that he is aware and understands your feelings. There has to be compromise, it can't be just about one persons preference. Explain to him that you want to feel closer to him, and try not to skirt around the issue that he might have erectile problems. Although at the same time, it is very important that you are sensitive about this, as you can push him further away if you aren't careful. Just be subtle, but clear. Its vital that you talk to him about your needs, so that you can improve the situation. Hope this helps x
...............................
|
