A
female
age
30-35,
*EAD-0N
writes:I Have soo many problems with relationships..they dont last!we'll some people dont know what their problem iswell i do!i have really big issues with trusting men because of my dad. he didn't want nothing to do with me since i was 3, i dont know why though and ive been blaming myself ever since! ive also been having sooooo many dreams about him lately. i had a dream about him last night and he called up to my grannys house to see my uncle and i came out to the door and was screaming at him and calling him a druggie and all sorts!i miss him and his family.. they were so good to me =]and now they are gone for 12 years and i have to go and see them.do you think i should?i have so many questions to ask him.. and they have to be answered or i'll be confused and blaming myself for the rest of my life :(please help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (15 July 2008):
 Hi Hunny
I would go and see a counsellor before you search for you father sweetheart you need to talk this through with someone all your thoughts and fears, I no how you feel I met my biological father when I was in my 30s and belive me it was not easy and still isnt. Alot of my questions have been answered as to why I was given up but you need to be prepared for anything. And speaking to someone will prepare you. First its not your fault none of it is your fault at all he was an adult you were a child. Some decitions are out of our hands hunny but we are not to blame for other peoples decitions in life..I wanted to look at 16 and Im glad I didnt Im glad I waited untill Id had some therapy to prepare me if I did find my family, And I was old enough to cope with what ever I came across good or bad..You need to sort alot of feelings out to be able to understand why certain things happen in life and how they can affect your futour. As you say your having problems trusting men and that is understandable as the one who is supposed to stand by you the most left so who's to say the others that come into your life wont..But not everyone is the same sweetheart there are so many different reasons as to why this happened but I can tell you you are not to blame. If you need a chat message me hunny PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2008): Yes I am sure issues with your dad are interfering with your relationships. Your dad really hurt you emotionally and now it is probably hard for you to trust people. You just have to realize that not all men are like your dad, and that, although you might get hurt again, it is better to risk it then spending your life alone. You can't blame yourself for what your dad did; it was your dad's fault and no elses. You will probably always have a hard time with your dad leaving, but you just need to realize that all people aren't like that, and that it is worth risking being hurt because there are people out there who won't hurt you.
Also, if you feel like you should go and see your family then go for it. I don't think it can make anything worse. It might help if you talk to a professional about your issues with your dad. I know it will be hard, but you will be fine. Just let people love you and don't be afraid love them back.
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