A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have had very strong feelings for a guy at my school for a long time. We are close friends, but now he only talks to me when I am alone and I do not know why.I had already told him how I felt, though I am not sure if he knows that I still have feelings for him as of now because I lied and told him that even though I loved him, I'd rather be friends because that is what he wants(I know it was stupid, that was just my way of just accepting that he only liked me as a friend but it is still hard you know?)My confession actually brought us closer as friends it seemed. After I told him, the next day he hugged me from behind said that what I said was sweet(he sort of treated it like a little joke too). It was a rainy day and he asked me to take a walk with him but I had to leave. And then the day after that, we spent one whole evening together at school, until the sun went down and he sat really close to me and it was nice because I had been waiting for that.But now as time is passing by, he isn't talking to me as much when people are around. If our friends are around(we hang in the same group) it is like I am not there and he talks and gives attention to other people(which makes me think that there are a bunch of other people he would rather talk to than me), but if the vast majority of people are gone he will speak to me.I am starting to think this may be because lately I have been distancing myself from him. I am convinced in my mind that he may never feel strong feelings for him so I try to just spend some time doing my own thing to make it easier on myself.I don't even text him much anymore. Do you guys think that the sudden distance may have confused him a little and he is starting to think that I am upset and that as I am waiting for him to regard me more, he is also waiting for me to do the same?There are a lot of times when I am around or I am with other people and he looks my way a lot or even stares a little. Or if something funny happens and I am involved, he may intervene(not to say that he only does this with me and not other people) but he won't really say much to me(maybe because i don't say much to him you think?) But he will sneak up on me a lot and stand really close to me and he. but he will come without saying hi and leave without saying goodbye sometimes, but then he will say hi sometimes and say goodbye and esays that he'll miss me sometimes.It is just a little strange. what could this mean? could this be because of my distancing myself from him? What should be done?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (3 March 2013):
Hi there. You are probably distancing yourself from him, because you may have thought that was what he wanted.
And so he is treading carefully, just in case he is barking up the wrong tree.
Like, he doesn't want to tell you he really likes you, if he thinks you only want him as a friend, now does he?
That would make him feel rather foolish.
So he is being very careful in what he says and does, so he doesn't make a fool of himself.
I would say the reason he usually waits till all the others in the group have gone, means he only wants to talk to you when it's just the two of you.
Because then, the conversation cannot be listened to by anyone else.
For instance, he couldn't talk to you in the way he would like to, if the rest of the group were there.
It would be inappropriate.
There seems no doubt that he likes you, otherwise he wouldn't do the nice things he does, and say he might miss you, and hug you sometimes, etc.
Those things just wouldn't happen at all, if he wasn't at least slightly interested in you.
There will not be any more than that if you don't give him at least some encouragement, which then shows him how you DO feel.
At the moment, he might just be guessing.
Why not confirm it for him in some small way?
I mean, he can surely see that you are interested in him.
That doesn't need words.
He is probably aware of when you look at him, when you think he isn't looking.
Because, you have mentioned here, that you see him looking, almost staring at you.
So he must be aware of the same kinds of things happening, that you are also aware of.
Just let things flow naturally.
A
female
reader, Laura-Aimee  +, writes (3 March 2013):
I think you should be honest with him and talk to him about it. It seems to me he's giving you a lot of mixed signals and that may be because he doesn't really know how to act. You are friends with him but you want something more and I think this may be where the confusion stems from. Men love things to be simple and therefore you should just tell him how you really feel, it will be so much better in the long run and if he doesn't want to be more than friends then it seems your friendship is strong enough to overcome that. You may have been distancing yourself from him subconsciously and therefore he will be reacting to that and will want to give you your own space. That may be why there has been a lack of texting and why he feels awkward in group situations. I think he is probably trying to weigh up the situation aswell because once there is mention of being more than friends or having feelings those boundaries between friendship and something more are tested.You have two choices, leave it and hope that time heals it. It usually does and it may just mean you have to make a little bit more effort and just act as if everything is normal because if you act strange he will think there is a problem or you can talk to him honestly and outright ask him if there is a problem and say that you value his friendship so you don't want anything to come between you both.I really don't think you have anything to worry about, he is still acknowledging you to a certain extent its if he ignores you completely when you should feel there is a big problem.Hope it works out for you. I think you need to decide what you want from this if you like him then you should go for it, the only person holding you back is yourself and in my experience being open about how you feel is always the best option.
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