A
female
age
30-35,
*londy
writes:This is a question for men. Can you control how long you keep your erection for? Is it subconcious and out of your control or is it somewhat of a 'skill'? The reason I ask is because my boyfriend now can keep it hard for as long as we want to have sex. Often times we just go at it for hours and hours and I love it! I have only had sex with 5 people total and he is by far the best sex, not just the length of sex he is great at all other aspects too. Anyways back to the point. With past boyfriends, sometimes they it wouldn't even go 10 minutes and they would orgasm and be done. Go soft. That use to really piss me off because it seems so selfish to me. Like "I got mine, I'm done" Is this right though? Sometimes when I would push for more sex they would say 'it hurts'? It hurts to have a boner after an orgasm? What!? My boyfriend now keeps his erection after an orgasm and we go right back to sex, is that normal? I have asked him but he knows how amazing he is in bed and just says things like "I'm amazing/I'm a stud/I kick ass" things like that. He wont answer me seriously. He is all those things but I don't know if its cause he has this as a skill or its just how his body is.Were these other guys being selfish? Or is my boyfriend now just a freak of nature? Is it something you control or does it go away by itself subconciously? Can you always maintain the erection as long as you want and some just choose to quit after they cum? That seems rude to me, but I don't have a dick so I don't know. I have been wondering this ever since I got introduced to this new world of wonderful LONG LASTING sex. I don't know if I should be mad at past boyfriends for their subpar performances, should I? I already am mad when I think back to those lame 5 minute quickies compared to what I get now. I am not trying to be mean here, it just seems selfish to stop if the girl hasn't orgasmed even once yet. Are you done because you can't keep going because 'it hurts'? Or being selfish because you got yours? I am just curious, as I said I don't have a penis and I don't understand exactly how you work them. Let me know... Thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): Everyone is different. Viagra levels the playing field.
If I finished before my girl I would do whatever I could to make sure she was satisfied. Sometimes an erection after ejaculation just isn't going to happen and other times, no problem. Go figure.
A
female
reader, Blondy +, writes (6 June 2009):
Blondy is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey everybody thanks for the answers, I guess its good that they weren't being selfish cause its out of their control. First female anonymous you sound just like me, I felt deprived too once I started having sex like this, and when you said "these studs are great in bed and they know it..." that is so true to my guy too! And he use to have a problem with staying faithful to me cause he knew how great he is and I guess just HAD to share his gift. *sigh* Thats niether here nor there. Thanks for all the tips, I intend on staying with my current bf forever so I hope I never have to use them but if things go bad I will make sure to check these out. :)
I have always made them do oral with all my boyfriends because I love it before and/or after sex. That doesn't help me to orgasm quicker it just gets me way in the mood. Except with my curret boyfriend who is so much better at that too and can make me orgasm with just his tounge. I guess he is just blessed with all sorts of amazing sex techniques. Thanks everyone for the answers, I think I better understand how they work now. Its phisical, not psychological. Thanks!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2009): from a guy...
1. You current bf has no idea how or why he can maintain an erection after ejaculation. His explanation is all talk. On a molecular lever it has a lot to do with enzyme regulation and recycling. Unless he starts mentioning something along those lines ignore him and let him talk.
2. Erection is neither conscious nor subconscious, it is instinctual and like the earlier commenter said it is controlled by a very primitive part of the brain similar to breathing. You cannot consciously nor subconsciously summon an erection any more than you can start and stop your heart from beating.
3. Young guys between puberty and mid to late 20s have spontaneous erections. Yep they can happen any and everywhere.
4. Since erections are are instinctual they are promoted by sexuality, looking at or thinking about you perhaps since you are a female. Guys are told by their instincts to help preserve species and most are more than eager to do their part.
5. As another commenter stated, younger guys can ejaculate, become essentially flaccid, and then become erect to continue coitus. It all happens so quickly that it appears seamless, but it is not. Every guy must go through the same cycle of erection, ejaculation, flaccid, erection....some just get through the cycle faster than others. Biology has something to do with that and so can you. You can help by telling him how much pleasure he is providing....I know if I was with a girl telling me what a great job I was doing, I would do anything sexually for her.
6. The average duration of coitus before ejaculation is 7 to 13 minutes. This is average. The distribution is very wide with some guys ejaculating in a few seconds (premature ejaculation: you hate it, they guy hates it and is hugely embarrassed; there is help for that but that is a question that was not asked) and some guys can last for more than one hour, sort of come on demand. The tactic most couples finally learn is that penetration and coitus is probably going to be the final event in the sex for that session. So, they spend a lot of time in non-coital sex (kissing, rubbing, oral, ...) with progression to penetration. If you are lucky you will orgasm roughly together and you will not be left stranded incomplete. Practice makes perfect. Penetration and coitus certainly can be a part of foreplay but once started, it is very difficult to stop and postpone until later.
7. There is a device called a "cock ring" which prevents the blood which enlarged the penis in the first place from leaving the penis. So, it maintains an unnatural erection but can be very dangerous. There is a reason the penis must become flaccid so thus forcing blood to be retained artifically can cause substantial damage.
8. Finally, when we started going together, my wife had similar questions about the nature of the erect penis. She thought a guy could control it much like a finger. Sexual subjects can be very risky to discuss so I simply explained it as I did here. Be very cautious discussing sex; you never know when someone is going to be hurt, even if you didn't mean to.
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A
male
reader, rocknroll +, writes (6 June 2009):
After ejaculation, the brain signals the sexual parts to shut down. There is nothing a man can do at this point but to wait and start again at another time, even 30 minutes latter. It has nothing to do with being selfish. What needs to be done, is for him to first pleasure you, and then finish off with satisfying himself. Sometimes after ejaculating, I get a feeling of being naughty, dirty or something. I think this is in our DNA. Natures way of getting us back to work, but usually after ejaculating, cuddling our partner and if at night, falling asleep together is ideal for at least this man.
Try to be realistic too, men are not Supermen, nor are women Superwomen. We are human and change like the temperature.
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (6 June 2009):
After a guy has an orgasm he will probably lose his erection within a few minutes. And yes, right after climax a guy may be very sensitive, even to the point of pain, around the glans ("head") of his penis. Some guys can recharge and get a new erection rather quickly, especially if they're young; some may not even go completely soft between erections.
The key point is "After a guy has an orgasm ..." Within limits, guys can usually learn to delay their orgasm for a while. Not for hours on end - but maybe long enough for their partner to have a climax while he's inside of her. Often, the guy's partner has to be actively involved with helping him learn to delay orgasm for a while.
If you want him to last longer, try positions where he is laying on his back. Some guys find it harder to climax when laying on their back, and many women find it much easier to orgasm if they are on top. Or, respectfully and lovingly, help him have a preliminary orgasm shortly after you start making love. Make him continue foreplay with you while he recharges. The second time he climaxes will take longer than the first.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (6 June 2009):
 You can't control your erection after an orgasm. You can barely control it before. It easy to understand, just use your own "erection" as an example. Woman have one too and it is FAR larger. Your vagina extends, the walls encorge with blood, your lips swell up, breasts enlarge, nipples harden and of course there is secretion.
Can you control any of it? Nope? Then neither can men.
What you can do, is delay an orgasm although that takes experience and the option/capability to reduce stimulation.
Younger healthy guys often remain an erection after an orgasm, they don't control it, it just happens. Some guys don't have this. Might as well blame a woman who becomes to sensitive after sex to continue (yes that happens). Is a woman who can't have a multiple orgasm selfish?
Is for that matter a woman who needs lube to augment her own natural fluids not trying hard enough?
The guys you were with before made a simple mistake, the same mistake you made. Penetration is NOT all there is to sex. If 5 minutes intercourse ain't enough then you need to put in more time for foreplay to make those 5 minutes be enough. If you can't delay the ending, put the beginning forward.
They weren't selfish for coming after 5 minutes and loosing their erection, they were selfish for not using other means to satisfy you. And you were a rather stupid in not making sure you got your rocks off by demanding foreplay before intercourse you knew would be to short to do it.
It takes two to make love. Next time, try to remember that you can make sure you enjoy it fully even if the guy is not as skilled as you might wish. Increase your own skill. Don't you find it slightly offensive to have him crow about his susposed skills like that? Do you do the same?
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