A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Are guys attracted to "sweet" girls?I've been on a few dates, and a lot of times the guy will tell me that I'm "sweet." But they don't seem interested in me. Could they just be saying that as a nice gesture so they can walk away without hard feelings, or are guys not attracted to sweet girls?I don't want to have to make an effort to not be myself (I wouldn't even know what to do differently, I've just been myself...that sounds underhandedly conceited! but I hope you all know what I mean...), but maybe that's why I'm having a hard time meeting someone who's interested?Any thoughts, help?Thank you all so much! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 February 2011):
 "Sweet" is code for "you're a really nice person but I just don't have that much in common with you. You and I don't share many interests, your energy level is different from mine and I am just not interested."
It could also mean that you are making yourself too available and possibly trying to do too many "nice" things for the guy.
I think it just means you haven't met the guys who share your interests and energy levels yet. You're going on dates, which means you are interesting enough to be asked out, right?
So continue to be yourself and think about what interests you. Find ways to express your passion for life and share your unique special gifts with your friends and family, the right guy will present himself, I have no doubt.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2011): "Sweet" is one of those words American guys say to girls when they're not interested it could be any number of reasons. We Irish use the word "lovely". "You're lovely" "You're really nice"
Any soft adjectives like that are just a means of not saying the real reason they're not interested.
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A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (8 February 2011):
 Keep things in perspective.
It may take years, and hundreds of dates, and several serious relationships before you find a guy that likes you just the way you are.
Or it may be the next date you go on.
Definitely don't get discouraged after a few dates.
I am 30 now, but when I was younger I often was seen as the "nice guy", and had many girls I liked opting for the "bad guys" much to my frustration. And after a few relationships I learned that some aspects of my personality and perspective on the world that others had been calling being a "nice guy" were actually moments where I didn't say what I wanted to say, or didn't stick up for my own opinion or preference.
And after getting burned a few times I learned that I should just say what I want to say more, and not always go along with what someone else wants if it makes me uncomfortable.
From a guy's point of view, it may be that you were quiet, agreed to much, or didn't seem to have your own opinion on things during the conversation. Maybe I am completely wrong, but those things would cause me to tell a girl she is "sweet" but not someone I am interested in.
Next time you go on a date, pay close attention to how much of the conversation is initiated by you, how often you have something to add to the conversation, and whether you tend to never disagree with the guy to keep things agreeable.
Someone else wrote an article (I think it was Aunty Em) for women about dating that has a point you may need to take to heart, and I am definitely paraphrasing: Think of dating as a fun activity that you choose to take part in, and as a result have someone with whom to enjoy events or dinner.
It may take some of the pressure off of a date, and help you deal with results such as being told you are "sweet" but not getting another date.
Hope for the best always!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 February 2011):
 Please please.... (et cetera) please take no offense, but a person can be "sweet" and "uninteresting" at the same time. Guys are attracted to sweet girls, provided they are not too sweet.
These guys may have had different reasons not to continue their interest on you. With men, for example, one girl won't like your rugged good looks, the other won't feel quite happy with your budding masculinity, that blonde over there feels intimidated by your steel resolve.... you get the point, I'm sure.
However, I don't know if you're too sweet, and I certainly wouldn't recommend that you try being someone you're not. Be yourself, and someone will notice you're sweet and will like you
Hard, but good lesson to learn: don't try to determine your worth on the basis of what others say you are.
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