A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've always believed an unconditional, stable kind of love was the real basis of a good relationship. But my ex was different; I could say something silly which he disapproved of and then I'd have to work for weeks to win back his "love". Now I've been out of that toxic relationship for a few years and have been with my new boyfriend for around 6 months. I'm incredibly happy with him but I'm starting to notice I feel very uncertain of how things stand with us almost instantly anytime he seems a little withdrawn. I start to rack my brain for what I could have done wrong to upset him and I get all jittery, but of course nothing is ever wrong - I'm quite sure he has the same unconditional, long term idea of love as I've always dreamed of. Generally he's just tired or worried about a deadline or something. But he's also very sensitive and I think picks up on how I'm feeling. He hasn't asked me about it yet, it's only happened a few times lately, and I'm not sure if I should tell him what's wrong? Or do you know any techniques I can use to stop worrying about it? I don't really want to put the burden on him of constantly explaining himself to me if he's feeling a bit withdrawn - that's not fair on him - or showing me affection when he doesn't feel like it just for my benefit. So I'd really love to know if there's any way I can work through this. Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): He sounds a little like me - I’m withdrawn most of the time. Not a good state of mind to be in but it’s hard to help, considering; I’m in my first loving relationship with a women who has been in a few.She lives in another town though, and after just a few days of being apart, I feel like life is going back to normal where I’m this lonely guy who just got lucky and I start to think that maybe she is feeling the same way to about me. Maybe that’s the curse of the long distance relationship. But you seem to be very close to your boyfriend yes?I always ring her up to let her know how I’m feeling and it ALWAYS helps. We’re able to talk openly and that’s so important.I just think YOU need to address the situation when it arises and 'communicate' more. Especially if he isn’t the type to.
A
female
reader, Priyanka09  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 First and foremost, you will have to tell yourself that this relationship is a new beginning in your life, and nothing to do from past. You can learn good things from your past relationships but not bad. So if you had to face this guy who was always insecured, and it made life hell for you, think of what you are doing to your current boyfriend. He might also start feeling miserable if you continue to feel so, and he might also want to get out of this relationship which you would not want. So firstly, tell yourself, I trust him with everything I have. There are days when you want to withdraw yourself but its not permanent. Space is very important in a relationship and one should respect that. But if you think, its causing you a lot of problem, there is no harm having an honest chat with your boyfriend. Maybe hell understand your situation,and will understand your behaviour next time you do so.
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