A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it possible to fall back in love with an old flame? We first started dating years ago. He wanted to concentrate on his career. I wanted more commitment. We split as we wanted different things. I have met up with him once or twice over the years.It has been over 12 years since I have seen him and we met up for dinner. There was definite a spark between us. I have a family now. He has not. He appeared happy.I did not think you could still feel so passionate about someone after so long. I was hoping to keep in touch as a friend but worried about my feelings. I did not lead him on and nothing happened between us although I am sure he would have liked something to have happened.Has anyone gone back with an ex and did it work?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2015): Thank you all for your responses. Obviously I would have to write reams for you to really understand. I do take all your points - thank you.
Female anonymous - I agree with you. I am an intelligent woman and I picked up on body language and little things he said. yes I will move slowly - EXTREMELY SLOWLY and will be very hard to get if ever - I don't want to lose his friendship again. We have already lose over 15 years.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2015): I dated an ex again and I would say its my biggest regret other than I did learn from it at least.I dated someone in my late teens\early twenties we got engaged and it was all over the top. I realised they were a bit immature for me and wasn't sure I was happy, so we broke up. We stayed friends but had practically no contact for years. I bumped into them one day. Years later we got chatting I was overcome with nostalgia and emotion and we dated again. I looked back on the old relationship with good memories. But we were older and they were totally different from how I remembered and it was a disaster, lasted about 6months! We are not friends anymore. I felt really stupid but I did teach me a lesson. Don't look back look forward! I didn't work out last time for a reason. I would never date an ex again!
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A
female
reader, MSA  +, writes (17 July 2015):
 To be honest, it varies from case to case and person to person on whether getting back with an old flame works or not.In your case I would strongly advise against it. Reason being you have a family now. You chose to have this family, you need to be responsible to each and every member of this family. You cannot make a hasty decision based on your feelings alone. You are now mature enough to control your thoughts, so keep them about your family and stop thinking about this ex. He is an ex for a reason. Also, unless he specifically told you that he is interested in hooking up with you, I think you may be over thinking it anyway.Don't do something that will hurt the people you love and you will regret forever.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 July 2015):
 I have never gotten back with an ex. I think doing the same thing over and over is just not smart.
The thing is YOU might see him as the person you KNEW years ago, THAT is not who he is any more. He might still "look" the same, but on the inside? Different person, and SO are you.
So, what I'd do if I were you, would be to try and rationalize it it's the IDEA of that dude from the past or if it was the dude sitting in front of you you felt a connection with.
BUT.... before you do that.. How about you think about your family? Instead of putting some lust before them?
Does it really MATTER that you felt a spark, if YOU are not available and HE isn't the commitment type of guy?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2015): Yes .. as a mental health nurse , I believe myself that maturity brings benefits especially if there are still ambers of feelings still burning on both sides .. I would say take it slow start off as you would any new relationship, don't assume that he will be like he was all those years ago.. He has matured, grown emotional mentally, hopefully spiritually as a person .. so keep the memories tuck away and begin a new .. let us know how it progress, we have kindly lil ears on here..
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