A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I am under 18 and I have this boyfriend who is 38. He and I want to get married but I know my parents won't allow it. No body even knows about him. So my question is, what can I do to be with him? Legally I mean. We have been boyfriend-girlfriend for over 5 months. What can I do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (5 July 2008):
 This man is older then my FATHER!
He could be YOUR dad! He's a pedophile!
Don't marry him, if you can't bring your boyfriend home to meet your parents, there is no way in hell you can marry him!
5 months is not enough time to say you love this man so much you want to be with him for the rest of your life anyway!
If you're having sex, this man can go to jail for Statuary Rape! You're still under the age of consent and even if you did turn 16 and then wanted to get married, you would need parental consent - YOUR PARENTS WOULD NOT APPROVE.
Please break up with this man and find someone your own age! Tell your parents before it's too late!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): do not get married to this man!!! You are too young. I am 25 years old. When I was seventeen, I got involved with a man who was 50. At first I thought I was happy in the relationship, but now I realize that I just didn't have enough experience in relationships to know the difference. We were together for 8 years, mainly because he made me feel too guilty to leave him. My life got better as soon as I did leave. I met a wonderful man with whom I am happily engaged.
My ex was controlling, manipulative and sexist. Most men who go after women much younger are.
I am not saying that your man is, but you are not even 16!!!! Wait at least three years. Make sure you still feel the same about him. You will grow apart from some people as you get older. Everyone does. But make sure you know what you are getting yourself into. Test him. Make sure he respects you. Make sure your family accepts him and that he treats them with respect.
And please, do not get pregnant!!!! look out for yourself. if you really love him, there is no reason to get married. Marriage means bringing into the family. Your family doesn't know him yet.
...............................
A
female
reader, Kourts_09 +, writes (3 July 2008):
First of all i got to say is to answer u, there is no possible way u can get married under 18 unless ur parents sign consent form. and second i got to ask u why would u want to be with some one so much older? and are u in love with the guy? i say if not then u need to find some one u are closer in age with, as some other ppl said, why would some one his age want to be with some one ur age that dosent seem right and he could have problems so that could be dangerouse as wells. so my advice to u would be to be careful and if u dont feel for that guy u need to get out of this while u can.
...............................
A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (3 July 2008):
 I hope you get the message. I disagree with some of the other people here ... I do NOT automatically assume that you don't know what you're doing. I said that in my earlier answer. I've know "children" your age who have had to hold down jobs and raise their younger siblings when their parents were both too drunk to see straight let alone provide for a family. People can be incredibly mature in their mid teens.
But IT DOESN'T MATTER in this case. Whether it's right or not, whether you're mature enough to make the decision or not, you don't have a choice. And staying with this man can only land him in jail and probably seriously beaten or killed at the hands of other convicts. And it will probably get you in some trouble as well, "for your own good".
So regardless of the reasons, I think we are ALL BEGGING YOU to get out of this situation with this man, and do it at once.
...............................
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 Oh sweetie why do you want to be with him. Dont rush into this it is not normal for a guy his age to be involved with someone so young. IF he is worth waiting for he will wait for you to be old enough. There is something soooooo wrong with this. Find a boy your own age and live your youth x
...............................
A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (2 July 2008):
 I know what I would do to this man...... short of castration. Men like him are totally disgusting and should be locked up.
Honey this guy is far too old for and will be done for statutory rape, find a nice young boy your own age, not some pervy predator who can get what he wants out of you. He is just trying to trap you into marriage and you young lady is far too young to commit yourself into an adult relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, goingcrazy3388 +, writes (2 July 2008):
 There is nothing that can be done legally,other than getting this man off the streets. Stop and think if he is doing this with you,he has surely done it with other girls you age,and may still be doing so. No man his age is seriously in love with a girl your age,as far as a relationship! He is after one thing and one thing only and believe me honey he won't be around long. Once you are over his age limit,he will move on to the next little girl. You need help,tell you parents,and get yourself out of this situation,before it is too late. I tell you as the mother of two girls,if you were my daughter,my husband would kill him if I didn't first. He should be under the jail. You are too young to even know what real love is based on the age provided and he is taking advantage of that. He is playing a game with you! Tell your parents,another family member,a counselor,or a police officer. Save yourself while you can!
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Nothing you do with guy is going to be legal. Just being in a love relationship with him is illegal let alone any kind of marriage. And that's as it should be and that's why these laws were created. You will be found out eventually and it isn't going to be pretty. And because he is obviously a pedophile, he will probably dump you as soon as you get older anyways.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Can you tell me why you know your parents won't allow it? In some states, girls can get married at a younger age if their parents give their consent to the union. So maybe the best thing to ask them for that consent. I'm surprised you haven't told them about this man you love; I'd want to shout it from the rooftops and let everyone know what a great guy I was seeing.
Legally speaking, though, you're probably about 14, give or take a year, based on the age given. And this as you know makes it illegal to have sex just yet, and it is really serious if the other partner is considered an adult, which at 38, he is. He is nearly 3 times your age right now.
All you have to do to stay on the good side of the laws (silly as they may seem, they are there to protect children from harm) is to wait until you are old enough to marry legally. If he takes you across a state line to get married there, then that is very serious and also a felony, as Uncle Sneaker reported. This could land your man in jail for a long time as a pedophile, and from what I hear, pedophiles are not treated well in prison. So what I'm trying to say is that it is very risky, what he is doing, and I think he knows it is wrong and dangerous, and that's probably why he doesn't want your parents to know.
Here's a good website that has a lot of information on this very subject, and explains what can happen to a man (or woman) who has sex with an underage girl (or boy).
http://www.coolnurse.com/marriage_laws.htm
http://www.coolnurse.com/consent.htm
So I think it might be a good idea to just wait until you are old enough to get married. True love can always wait, no matter how frustrating the circumstances. Being in love with someone means that you want only the best for them, and if that means waiting, or giving them up if they might go to prison, then that is a sacrifice willingly done. If it is true love, of course.
Take care, and I have to ask again, why can't you tell your parents about him?
...............................
A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (2 July 2008):
What can you do? STOP!!!! If anybody finds out you're having sex, he's going to jail, and what happens in most prisons to guys convicted of molesting children (that's what this is, legally) you do NOT want to know about. It's really BAD.
Let him know that you really care for him, but that BECAUSE you really care for him he should come back on your 18th birthday and then the two of you can talk things over. You probably shouldn't even email or IM him now, because if somebody (like your parents) finds out about him and starts investigating thoroughly, it's unlikely the two of you can keep the facts from coming out. And if they come out, well, you don't want that to happen.
I'm not going to insult you by assuming (as the law does) that you are a "child" who doesn't know what she's doing. We don't even need to discuss that. What you know or don't know, what you can and can't handle or decide at this stage of your life - - that's all beside the point. The fact is, the law treats you as a child incapable of making these choices and what you are doing is extremely dangerous and can have terrible legal consequences.
He should have had better sense than to get involved with you in the first place. There will be no tears shed (except probably by you) if he does get found out and does go to jail. But the longer you let this go on, the more inevitable that becomes. It's wrong (legally, even if it feels OK to you), and it's got to stop. For his sake, if not for your own, break this off with him NOW. It will hurt, but if you really love him, give him this gift no matter how painful it is for both of you.
Then let yourself get over him and find somebody closer to your own age to spend your time with until you're 18 and are fully free to make up your mind as an adult.
...............................
A
male
reader, ZILOVE  +, writes (2 July 2008):
Hi baby! I wish you good luck to forget him and live your tangible life.Did you imagine that at the time you get 25 he will be like 50's.That is at the time you are hot he is beginning to die or so! please do come to your mind.Best of luck
...............................
A
female
reader, confusedinkent +, writes (2 July 2008):
 I'm with LadyOfSorrows on this one, if this man was a decent one, he would never consider being with a 13 year old Child!.It is Illegal for you to have sex and worse still he is infact breaking the law if you are having sex with him. The matter of the fact is that he is nothing more than a peadophile!, strong language I know but I think you need to know what is going on here. He has obviously prayed on you. I would advise telling a responsible adult about this relationship immediately, preferably a parent or gaurdian. There is a reason that sex is illegal until you reach 16, its because your body has not finnished developing and your not mentally mature enough.There is not a registry office or church that would allow you two to marry, not in a million years!.I would do the right thing and speak to your parents about this straight away, you could be in danger if you dont. Hope you've got the message.Good luckx
...............................
A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (2 July 2008):
 I don't think you can do anything legally except wait until you are old enough.
If I understand the laws of the USA correctly, you have to be over 18 to make that sort of decision - and doing something drastic like going abroad where the laws may be different actually makes it worse because you're a US citizen and it becomes a Federal offence.
If you really love him and he really loves you, then you will know that waiting is the best option. And, difficult as it may be, you must know that you are putting him at risk by continuing with any sort of real relationship right now. Assuming he's not just taking advantage of your youth and naivety then he should know that too, and he should be prepared to back off right now and wait. That's what he would do if he really loves you. Anything else will end in disaster.
...............................
A
female
reader, gretchen  +, writes (2 July 2008):
 Okay dear, you might say to yourself 'my man isn't a paedophile, he loves me just the way I am even if I am this young'.
But seriously. HE IS OLD ENOUGH TO BE YOUR FATHER.
There is NOTHING you can LEGALLY do with him at your age. If you have sex, it's statutory rape - EVEN if you consent. You can't marry him because you are under 16, and even if you turn 16, you will need parental consent to be able to marry him until you turn 18. So basically if you really want him you will be waiting until you're 18.
And for your sake, I hope you're not still with him when you turn 18.
...............................
A
female
reader, LaydeeOfSorrows +, writes (2 July 2008):
 your age says your 13-15.
Im guessing if you want to get married, you might be sexually active wiht this 38 year old man?
If so....this is very wrong and illegal.
You need to go to authorities, and inform your parents.
He is a pedofile!
seriously you need to report this!
...............................
|
