A
male
age
36-40,
*CDarkly
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been going out for nearly three years and we have a four month old daughter together.Ever since our baby was born my girlfriend has stopped showing me any form of affection (including sex). When I try to talk to her about it she just rolls her eyes. She has told me that the little spare time she has she likes to spend by herself which I completely understand because I'm the same but I think that if our relationship is going to go back to being as strong as it once was we need to make time for us to spend together alone.Does anyone have any advice on how to kickstart a relationship after having a baby and how to convince her that we have a problem? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2011): i think you should show her attention that isnt for sex purposes.. to show her that being a mom, she is still sexy, just in a new way. you should do things with her and the baby together, and enjoy being a family.. it isnt just you and her anymore, its you her and a new baby.. baby blues can make a girl act funny for awhile after having a baby.. dont blame yourself, just remember its probley the cause of her emotions, not you..alot of females get uncomfortable with their bodies after a baby too.. and a girl who dont feel sexy, isnt going to want to do the "sexy".. the best i can give you for advice would have to be to do your best to get involved with her and the baby.. not taking over, but getting involved.. like when she wakes up at 3 am, wake up and keep her company, and rub her back till she falls back asleep afterwards.. do the things parents in love do, so that she can feel good about being a parent, rather then missing her teen body.. i hope ive helped..
A
male
reader, ICDarkly +, writes (26 May 2011):
ICDarkly is verified as being by the original poster of the question I have recently discovered the real reason why our relationship has not been the same since we had the baby.
She tearfully told me that she is not physically attracted anymore.
I may be grasping at straws but could this be caused by the chemical imbalance caused by giving birth?
If not, could you please give me some advice. How can I make her see me as she did before?
I will do anything to keep my family together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): Things will be normal again, just give her some time and try to take care of your new family :]
Best Wishes :]
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): im sure in time shell probley feel better down there, and shell try sex again, if your patient with her. she probley cant go for the rest of her life without it just because she had a baby. but there are some girls who loose alot of their sex drive after a baby. kegel excersizes can help that, the pelvic floor is weakend after a girl has a baby, it has to weaken so the baby can come threw. kegel exersizes strengthen it back up. if your a believer in the g-spot, the pelvic floor is where the g-spot is at. you probley shouldnt come right out and tell her to do them tho, she might get offended so be sensitive if you take this advice. hope this helps ;)
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (12 December 2010):
One thing you have to remember is that you're not her #1 anymore. The baby is. I completely agree with anonymous. She's probably completely exhausted caring for the baby...if you think you help enough, you probably don't. When you think you're helping too much, then you're probably helping enough. In order for her to be affectionate with you again or want to have sex with you, you're going to have to do some extra work. Lay off trying to get laid and focus on her, then she'll probably want to reward you for being such a good husband/father.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): This is actualy a very common problem. Sorry mr. but I put it on you. She is probably up every 3 hours feeding this newborn, she is probably at home, trying to keep up the house, laundry, dinners, things of that nature. Ill bet money that your honey is exhausted.
Call her during the day, or tell her in the morning that you will pick up dinner on the way home, spend the weekend cleaning the house for her, get up for the friday/saturday nights feedings.
You need to pick up your socks alot right now and contribute more than you ever have into chores and taking on some baby time.
I would also recommend running her a nice bubble bath and letting her know that you intend on doing the vaccuming while she is bathing .. blah blah blah
Basicaly if you are looking for loving right now, show this woman that you are there for her, because right now she needs you.
And bring home some flowers. :)
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A
female
reader, KRSMouse +, writes (12 December 2010):
I don't think telling her you have a problem is necessarily the way to go. I'm assuming its her first child, after having a baby your body takes some time to heal and get back to normal. Maybe she isn't feeling confident and wants a bit more time to let everything settle down. You can guaruntee her hormones are all over the place too!
I wouldn't approach her for sex. If I were you, maybe i'd suggest having a date night each week, where you get a babysitter and go out for dinner or to see a film, or just to get some time to yourselves. Spend some time together, on your own, and you'll soon get your spark back.
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A
female
reader, SmilySmily  +, writes (12 December 2010):
I think it's better to give her sometime...your baby girl is only 4 months old ..your girlfriend is probably not in mood for sex really. it's a hormonal thing and ive heard so many women sayin that they didnt' even think about sex after few months after giving a birth.. Well I have never been pregnant so i wouldnt know what it is like to be. but will say there's lots of things goin on in her mind at the moment (not like oh i dont want this relationship but like baby stuffs and all) so i think you should let her just settle in with the baby first then talk about it later?
Good luck x
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