A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girl and i have been going out together since we graduated from high school for almost 3 years now. she was a virgin and so was I, we have had sex in the past and we have gone through good things and bad things in our relationship but our love has always been true. she is 20yrs old and I am 21yrs old.the issue here is that when we are playing around (not having sex or planing to have sex at that moment) and things start to get exiting she will ask me to touch her and please her with my fingers or oral sex and i will because I love her and I enjoy pleasing her (I know she loves me a lot to and i do mean a lot, as in: it cant be decried with words), most of the time I will even do it and start things without her even asking me for it because i already know what she wants and she loves that i do that.after she is finished (she always has to go first or she wont be in the mood for anything), she lets me know when to stop because after she has her orgasm she gets really sensitive down there. when she is finished she knows that I want her to please me by giving me oral sex or to the least masturbate me which I don't really enjoy as much (honestly it kind of turns me off when she tells me that she will do it only with her hand so most of the time I just tell her to forget about it and try not to give her attitude about it), she just plays dumb and does everything she possibly can to evade the situation. I always have to ask her and pretty much beg her to please me, she will tell me that she doesn't fell like it, or that she is no longer in the mood. I ask her why and she just says that she doesn't fell like it I cant get past the answer that she always gives me so in the end thats that and there is nothing else i can do.She rarely gives me oral sex probably once a month (I enjoy oral sex a lot, almost as much as vaginal intercourse, mainly because it is something very sexually arousing to me and she knows this). sex happens only when she fells like it which is about once a week or less but this is because she lives with her parents and so do I so i don't bother her about that (I always rent a hotel room for us to have sex so its not like we have to wait to be alone or something like that). I have approached her in the past with this situation several times and told her about the issue and she always feels bad about it and she sometimes gives me oral sex later on that day but after that day goes by, everything goes back to the way it was and she keeps doing the same thing again and again. today for example I am back at my house and I feel unwanted (I really don't have another word for what I'm feel right now) because we had another one of this issues, only that today I felt really turned off when she told me that she did not feel like it and thats why I'm writing this. I really need some advice, someone please help me with this issue.PS: she wont even give me oral sex when we are in a private room to have sex, or during sex or even after sex.
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (20 February 2011):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/she-wont-go-down-on-me.html
It's a recent but similar post, worth a read.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): ummh..dude,maybe she doesn't know how to please u,or she never thought about it..so,u need to let her know how u feel,im sure u probably feel like she's using u.. As u kn0w c0mmunication is the key to a great relati0nship..
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A
male
reader, dark lord  +, writes (20 February 2011):
ummh..dude,maybe she doesn't know how to please u,or she never thought about it..so,u need to let her know how u feel,im sure u probably feel like she's using u.. As u kn0w c0mmunication is the key to a great relati0nship..
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A
male
reader, Mr Husband  +, writes (20 February 2011):
Man, that's harsh. Whilst she is absolutely entitled to not do anything she doesn't want to do, her constant rejection of your wants and needs must be awful (been there myself). Feeling 'unwanted' is exactly the right word for it. It does sound as though she's fearful of something - doing it wrong, the explosive/messy nature of male orgasm, something.
Have you tried talking to her about this far away from the prospect of sex, away from the places you usually have sex? If you make it clear from the outset of the conversation that the conversation is not a prelude to anything sexual, nor is there any expection of such might help stop her from feeling under threat. She does need to understand that your sexual relationship is off balance and one sided at the moment. Try not to frame everything in the negative "you never...", rather frame it as "I want you to make me feel how you feel when I...". I won't pretend that this won't be a difficult conversation to have or to even engage her in, but I do think you need to have it.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (20 February 2011):
There needs to be give and take in a sexual relationship. It sounds like you are doing most of the giving, and she the taking. If you have made it clear to her that you would like to receive some sexual pleasure but she constantly refuses, then I think you need to stop sexual activity altogether until she realise how unfair her behaviour is. The main issue sounds like she doesn't want to give you oral here. This is fairly common on these boards; there was a woman who had a similar question the other day, and the general consensus was that she should stop giving oral until her bf started giving her some in return. I think this is the approach you need to take here.A few more things, however:1) You say that she won't give you oral "when we are in a private room to have sex"- does this mean you expect her to do it in other, non-private places? Because if you do I'm not surprised if she won't. You shouldn't be doing this kind of stuff anywhere except in private2)It could be that she doesn't know what she is doing and it a bit embarrassed of not doing a good job, so she doesn't do it at all3)Why don't you ask her once you have started pleasuring her, but before you give her an orgasm. That way she will be in the mood.4)Just double check that you are squeaky-clean, as personal hygiene issues can be quite important when debating oral sex.She sounds very selfish in my opinion BUT you are letting this behaviour go on. It seems like you realise she is always going to say no but pleasure her anyway. You need to take some action if you want to change this- this basically means literally doing nothing at all, ie. no oral etc for her, I think, until she realises what she is doing.
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