A
female
age
30-35,
*anzenfrosch
writes:I know that I'm an extremely dependent and needy person.I see my boyfriend at least an hour every day, but it's at night for about an hour. He comes over to my house and we pretty much go straight to bed. He's got a very heavy homework load with his major.I'm not sure as to why I'm so dependent on him for my happiness. I've always been like that with boyfriends. I know it's not a good thing to do, but I can't help it so far. I've got a few friends, but our schedules don't work very well together, making it hard to hang out with them. I have hobbies, mostly dancing and taking pictures. I haven't been able to dance recently because there's no where for me to do it, it can be expensive, plus not having a car puts a damper on how far I can travel to do it. As far as photography, that gets expensive with buying film. (Being a college student out on my own I don't have a lot of money to spend on stuff besides school and rent)I've talked with my boyfriend and he knows that I'm upset about the small amount of time we spend together. And he knows I'm dependent on him for a lot of my happiness. But he can't always make me happy, and he needs his guy time. I don't want my needy and dependent nature to drive him off like it has all my other relationships. Any one have advice on how to become less needy and dependent, aside from getting a hobby?
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female
reader, tanzenfrosch +, writes (25 February 2008):
tanzenfrosch is verified as being by the original poster of the question Some of you have been suggesting that my boyfriend and I do things together on the weekends, and we do.
I'm not sure ways to "broaden my circle of friends". I go to a community college where people come from cities all around, and even if I do make a friend, it's almost never some one from the same city. I don't have any thing I do outside of school, like a place I go on a regular basis, so there isn't really any way that I can see to do that...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): I don't know, but from how you describe your relationship, it doesn't sound like he gives you that much time, so no wonder you feel needy! Seriously. I mean you see him for an hour everyday right before bed? That would make me feel anxious for more too! I mean does he ever take you out?? To dinner or something special?? Do you guys ever spend an entire day together doing something special?? It doesn't sound like you guys ever spend any quality time together, which doesn't make you needy and which is perfectly natural to do in any relationship.
Maybe you have been needy in previous relationships, but I guarantee you that your need and want for more in this particular relationship is completely understandable. Why don't you suggest that you both do stuff together more often. Maybe on Sunday you both can go out to brunch and spend the day together and talk. Or just do something fun together.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 February 2008):
 You can broaden your circle of friends and you do not have to depend on him alone for your happiness. Friends are like multi vitamins.
You could exercise regularly and that can take your mind of him and it can make you fitter and more healthier.
Think positive.
Have a positive self image.Feel good about yourself and this will increase your confidence and you become more secure in your opinions and decision making.
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A
male
reader, Namatjira  +, writes (25 February 2008):
Hi,
It sounds like your relationship is pretty one dimensional with you going straight to bed when he arrives. Try doing some other things sometimes, get to know each other better through conversation and just doing things together. There are often a lot of things that you can do as a couple that do not need a lot of money so you should find some other options.
As your relationship rounds out with more things than just sex, then you will find overlapping interests with other things you like to do. This will help you to find balance in your life and that will help reduce the dependance you seem to have on him.
No answers are easy and it can get frustrating sometimes, but try to find other things about your routine (maybe by changing part of it) that will help you to feel independent.
All the best.
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