A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi My partner and I have a 2 year old daughter together I would love another as I have never wanted my child to be a only child We live together and are in a happy relationship we just recently got married we have been together 5 years. Just recently I have really been wanting another child but my partner refuses to talk about it. If I mention it he just says "why do we need another? our little girl is amazing"So I can't see why he wouldn't want her to have a sibling Any ideas how I can at least get him to talk about it?Thank you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (5 February 2017):
 Unfortunately, this is a deal breaker. No child should be brought into a family where one doesn't want another baby. If you'll be unhappy without another child, you can't stay with him because he shouldn't have to have another and you shouldn't have to never have another.That said, having a sibling playmate for your daughter isn't a good reason to have a baby, as they may not get on well and you don't have one baby to benefit another. An exaggerated, but similar situation is "My Sister's Keeper", where their daughter was sick, so they had another baby to be the donor and the younger child resented being born for the sake of the other daughter.Talk with him, not at him, and hear him out. He may end up worried that you'll nag him into it or get pregnant without his consent.Why do you want another baby? Ask him very nicely why he doesn't.You can't compromise on this, unless you're actually not desperate to have another baby. Babies need to be born when both parents desperately want them.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2017): I do not nag at him or try to change his mind I have tried TALKING to him but he just goes quiet
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (5 February 2017):
 Most situations in a relationship can be negotiated by compromise. This is one of the few which can't. It has to be all or nothing. In your shoes I would arrange a baby-sitter and go out for a meal/drink with him and tell him you need to understand what his reservations are about having another child. Tell him YOU have always thought you would have at least two children, so suddenly finding you may only have one needs understanding on your part as to why your life plan needs to change in such a drastic way. Stress you are not trying to get him to change his mind but that, rather, you are trying to understand so that you can get your head round the situation. This may encourage him to talk. If he can't give you real reasons why he does not want another child, perhaps you can help him with suggestions of what his concerns might be? Did you have a difficult pregnancy? Has your daughter had any health issues? Is there anything he is worried about that could endanger you or a potential future child? Or is it the cost, the work, the logistics of running around after two children rather than one? There could be any number of reasons. It is important that, when you ask the question, you actually LISTEN to his reservations; even if they seem trivial to you, they are important to HIM.A colleague of mine had a daughter with and went from being a lads' lad to being a doting father overnight. He totally fell in love with this child he had helped create. When his partner mentioned having another child, he was adamant he did not want another. His main worry was that he did not feel he could possibly love another child as it deserved because he loved his daughter so much and, as the first child, she would always be "favourite". They did eventually have a son (not planned) and my colleague took months to bond with him, because he felt he was being "unfaithful" to his daughter to love her brother. It may seem strange to others but to him it was a very real situation and, even now, he admits he sometimes has to consciously make himself show his son affection and love while it comes without any effort where his daughter is concerned.Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2017): "I can't see why he wouldn't want her to have a sibling"
And he can't see why you would want to have another kid.
He probably doesn't want to talk about it because he's afraid that if you did then you'd just try to nag him into doing what you want without making the effort to consider or respect or understand his point of view. If that is the case, then his concerns are valid.
"Any ideas how I can at least get him to talk about it?"
By talking WITH him, not AT him. Ask him what his concerns are without putting him on the defensive.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2017): One evening when it's just the two of you, just ask him "why won't you talk to me about having another child? Everytime I mention it you simply say - why do we need another and as a couple this is something we need to discuss".Maybe he is worried about the coat of another child, or whether you have enough room in your home for another. But there isn't really an easy way to broach the subject you just need to be courageous and bring it up. Stay calm and don't get too emotional and share with him your desire to have another, how you would rather your little girl wasn't an only child (and explain your reasons) and have an adult conversation about the matter. It might not be resolved in one discussion and it could be that it's something that is ongoing for you both. Ultimately you my be faced with a situation where he doesn't not want another child and you do - which is unfair either way you look at it as for you to be happy he may not be and vice versa. Hopefully though with some discussion you can both understand each other better.
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