A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My only brother and I have never been close. Since our father's death 4 years ago there has been an emotional struggle for mother's attention. My brother has done everything in his power to devalue me in Mother's eyes, to the point where she seems to hate me and will not even speak to me. I recently had to hire an attorney to protect my and my children's rights in the family estate my father set up over 10 years ago. My brother has convinced mother that I am not worthy and that I have done nothing for the family in 40 years. The fact is Mom, Dad and brother moved away. I stayed in our hometown, married and raised my family there. I was independent and asked for nothing, where brother got into business with Dad, borrowed money that was never repaid and feels he "earned his inheritance". Comments/Advice?????
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): Its a shame when a parent dies and they leave in their wake a family torn asusnder by greed.
The easiest way to deal with this is to keep at the family thing, no matter how difficult they make it for you. And no matter what they say about you, make sure you are seen in the public as the complete opposite.
Then take the matter to court and ensure both you and your brother are treated EQUALLY. Not more or less. But EQUALLY.
This way you will not be seen by law and the public to be selfish. And it will be seen as slander to say anything otherwise.
Flynn 24
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (21 January 2008):
 Hi,
It's been my experience that when someone is vying for a larger piece of the estate pie, they are usually in debt or have done some other thing to have already lightened up the estate, either by selling off bits and pieces of the company or leveraging it with other loans or mortgages. It's sad, but all too often true. If it is a small company, and you are in your Dad's estate, you can ask to see the companies books or order an independent audit, on behalf of yourself and your Mom. If it is a larger company, ask the shareholders or talk to the board members.
My brother-in-law is a lawyer, and when he was asked to settle the estate of his grandmother, with pay, one of his uncles started crying blue murder, about him doing the legal work and about his fee. Turns out, this uncle had been selling off parcels of land for YEARS to fund his life style (she lived half a country away). Best of luck with everything, it's always hard when people, especially family, start showing their true colors, and it often revolves around money.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008): Yes, some quick comments.
You have done all you can-you hired a lawyer. Leave it at that and try mending the rift, without making the money the big agenda. Family divison, hurt feelings, situations that scar people's souls just so they can just get that 'money' is plain wrong. So this why I have to ask....what is with this emotional 'struggle' for your Mom's attention? You both are full grown adults here. Sounds like has become such a war of 'stubborn will" between you and your brother. A very 'toxic' competition to see which one of you, is going to get the cash when Mom passes away. Why are you both acting this way with money that isn't even yours, to begin with. I have seen many situations where money and inheritances have virtually destroyed family unity, support and love. Sad, isn't it? My suggestion...let all this go. For some reason, you and your brother feel 'entitled' to Dad's estate which now is in control of Mother. Your brother is turning Mom against you, so he can get a "bigger piece of the pot", when she dies. How sad that your Mother is being being used and manipulated like this. Don't lower yourself to this sleazy level of existence. Take yourself out of the running and just get on with your own life. And make your own life wonderful and fill it with love of family...all on your own, sans the family cash. If when Mom passes on and you get something, accept it graciously and carry on.
However, I do recommend, you should be reaching out to your aging Mom, simply because you love her and want her share your life with her and give your kids, a Grandmother to love and cherish. As for your brother, let this old grudge die. There has to be 2 people fighting a 'fight' and you don't need that bitterness in your life.. Move on with your marriage, your family and go into happier times. Money isn't all there is to life. Become a success story on your own and even though you may have to work harder for it...it's your cash, you life, your own legacy. Good luck and take care
...............................
|
