A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I have some questions about sex--And I do NOT want anything about "Oh your too young for sex" and stuff like that. Please. That's not what I'm asking for here.Anyway,My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 months now and I really do love him, and He loves me and this I know. We're always talking about how were going to get married when we're old enough, and have kids and everything. Anyway, about 2 months ago, He brought up the subject about sex and we talked about it together and he didn't/wasn't/won't pressure me to do anything I don't want to. At that time, I wasn't ready to go that far just yet. I know about STD's and everything and know to use a condom and all that. But, since I wasn't ready then, I have this feeling that's telling me that I'm ready now and I think I'm ready, but I haven't told him just yet. I'm here, looking for any last minute advice on how to make it kind of special? And to make sure that there's not any information on sex that I'm missing here. But like I said, I know about STD's, Birth Control, Condoms, and such. Any advice on how to make it special or any information is appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): just relax really nerves wont help, and make sure you communicate with eachother.
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female
reader, aunty_rach  +, writes (13 February 2009):
well if you are going to do it, you will do it. but i think you are being responsible when it comes down to talking to your bf about it and seeing if he is ready. however if he is not, then you will have to wait.
remember sex is a big deal, if you are not ready and responsible for the consquences, then you shouldn't do it. today in our newspapers in the UK a 13 year old boy has become a father, he does not even know how to look after himself let alone a baby. this is one of the things that happens when kids have sex. they think they are ready then before they know it they have their own children. it's not something to take lightly. if you are going to have sex you need to realise that you could become a parent! condoms don't always work!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice guys. I've been thinking about it a lot more and I'm still sure I'm ready. I'm going to see my boyfriend tomorrow(Valentines Day) And I think I'm going to have a serious talk with him about it first and make sure he's ready also so I don't rush into things. The advice has been very helpful though..well, the advice from the people who haven't been rude. Anymore advice is appreciated:)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): Sex can mean a lot of things. If penetration is painful/uncomfortable, then don't worry that doing other sexual things for each other are not as meaningful or pleasurable.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): Just a note on what some others have said. A few people have written subjectively (based on opinion, not fact). For example, your first time is not "supposed" to be special, but it can be. Next, condoms are very safe IF used correctly, so make sure you know what correct use means. If anyone offers you statistics about condom effectiveness or STD rates...look it up yourself. There is a lot of misinformation out there from people who are either innocently misinformed or who have an agenda. There are many websites that have information and advice. I'm sure that you know how to do a Google search and determine which websites are trustworthy and which ones aren't. I wish you the best.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): First, I think it's great that you are open to suggestions and seem to be giving it a good amount of thought. Maybe this response it too late, but, assuming that you haven't done the deed already, I'd make sure that he, not just you, knows what safe sex means and why it's important to you. Talk before and during...it might sound potentially awkward, but better to communicate throughout...especially about pain, discomfort, pleasure, feelings, etc. I also understand the desire to make it special. However, more often than not women report that their first time wasn't particularly special. I would approach is as a new experience that you can learn from, but caution you against expecting things to play out in reality as they (possibly) have in your head. Better to be pleasantly surprised, than to be disappointed. If your boyfriend is opposed to wearing a condom, then you might want to suggest that he put a few drops of lubrication INSIDE the condom before rolling it on. Guys who don't like condoms usually say that they can't feel anything while wearing one, but lubrication on the inside will increase friction and sensitivity, so he can't legitimately use the excuse anymore. I could go on and on, but I won't. I would echo a lot of what others have already offered. Good Luck!
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female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (11 February 2009):
candles, satin sheets, bubble baths, soft lighting, music....non of that takes away the physical pain you will feel! you best wait till you are older. you're still a child! children should not have sex! there are too many pregnant kids around these days.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009): Hey i recently had sex for the first time with my boyfriend and we didnt need anything like candles and satin sheets and all that because we were with eachother and that made it special enough. If you are really sure that he is the one and you truely are in love then just being with him will make the sex special. Just make sure your not rushing into it and also to use protection and everything should be as you imagine. Also dont worry as long as you are very aroused then the sex wont hurt
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reader, LaydeeOfSorrows  +, writes (9 February 2009):
 You are too young, But it's your choice.I always thought my first time was gonna be special, I even kind of had it all planned out....But it just happened in the moment, with a guy I "thought" I was in love with...Just consider what your doing.Ok, special....Music? satin sheets? Romantic lights?I guess just being with the right person makes it special enough..USE CONDOMSGood luck!x
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): Alright kid, Idc if you don't wanna hear it. . .your to young i'm in LOVE too && i know i am && i wish i would have waited till i was older cause i know we will prob. not make it. SO. . .i'm just telling you before you do it think about how young you are && how later on down the road you will wish you did not do it. Kk! Have a great day && keep you virginity!!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): Well i'm 15 and i have been down the same road. With the whole i love you && i'm going to spend the rest of my life with you && crap. Well guys have told me we are going to get married && have kids && all that crap too. Chances are thats not going too happen your to young. && when you lose you virginity your going to wish you never did when you guys break up. TRUST ME i should know. So just wait till you are older try && make it out of high school if you can trust me you will wish you did.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): The 1st time hurts! That's why sex is for adults when your body has matured into a woman. You're taking this way too lightly! Isn't there 1001 other things to do to make each other feel special? There are, but you need to use your imagine, not your body! Sex should be Waaaaay in the back of your mind to look forward to. You're just inviting adult problems into your life.
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female
reader, Faye Telattraction +, writes (8 February 2009):
Look you are going to have sex anyway aren't you? So you want to know how to make it special? First be safe. Make sure you have got all bases covered with the right contraception. Secondly make sure he does not pressurise you (even up to the last minute) make absolutely sure it is what you want. Do it somewhere safe and private and comfortable. Music candles etc all helps. Take your time and relax. So if you absolutely have to do it despite what all these good people say then at least make it a good experience for you both. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): im not gonna rant about your age ok. im just going to tell you that only about 80% of condoms actually work, just dont take that chance
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female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (8 February 2009):
see your reply is very immature! that to me says it all.
why come on here and ask for advice and opinions then say i'm not going to listen to you. that's very irresponsible and immature. no way should you have sex. how would you cope with the consequences, such as pregnancy!?!
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female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (8 February 2009):
i'm sorry but you ARE WAY TOO YOUNG! i know you don't want to hear it, but you are young and believe me you have no idea, you may think you are ready for sex, but the reality is that you probably aren't emotionally mature to have sex.
ask yourself this, are you ready to become a mother? cause even with protection there is not a 100% way of having sex safe. condoms can break, the pill does not always work...my friend was on it, took it every day and ended up pregnant. luckily for her she is an adult in a stable relationship. you are a child. you may think you are all grown up and know what you are doing, but you don't. i was your age once so you can't tell me otherwise. i'm not going to give you advise on how to make first time sex special, as you shouldn't be having sex. but if you are going to be irresponsible and have sex anyway then use a CONDOM! but like i said before, it's not 100% safe.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): oh and btw, i dont want to sound patronising as i know its possible for relationships to last, but weve all been there and done that with our first serious relationship, having the marriage and kids talk... im afraid more often than not it just doesnt work out. no matter how much you think it will. i was with my first boyfriend for 2 years, aged 15-17, i thought it would last forever, but just like all my friends relationships around me, it just didnt last.you need maturity in a relationship and that only comes with experience sweetie
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): if youre 15, yes its illegal, but fait enough if youre ready, youre ready. i was 15 when i first had sex and i dont regret it one bit.i think a big reason people say "youre too young to have sex" is when you act immature when asking your question, by saying you didnt want to hear it and saying it bothers you comes across childish, you need to realise everyone has their own opinions, like you said, youre going to do it anyway, so let people tell you they believe you are too young dont get angry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sorry but isn't that the one thing I pointed out that I didn't wanna hear? Dang people. Can't you listen? I don't really care. I Love him and You can't tell me what to do because I'm going to make my own choice in the end anyways. Not being mean but hearing that "You're too young" bothers me.
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male
reader, 060691 +, writes (8 February 2009):
If you love someone truley, then the first time for sex is to generally be the most special moment in someones life if you both share the same feelings for each other. If you want a special evening before having sex, watch some films together or have a nice close chat.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): How old are you? if your under 15 then yes you are too young. Sorry but I think it's wrong to give sex advice to young kids.
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male
reader, karldlewis +, writes (8 February 2009):
Well being that it's your 1st time you dont have to worry about it not being 'special' as sex should aways be 'special' especially the 1st time.Just do what comes natural and enjoy it even though it may be very awkward.
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