A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello all, Just looking for some advice on my new relationship. I'm a 33 year old female and my partner is a 24 year old male. We've been together for around five months. I've never been in a relationship with a younger man before but he's very mature for his age and treats me like a queen. I realise we are in the honeymoon stages of the relationship and everything is new and exciting, and I fully expect things to settle down as the relationship progresses. My problem is that I clam up during or before sex. I fear that he's more sexually experienced than me and when I refused to get on top of him during sex a few nights ago, I'm worried that he'll think I don't know what I'm doing. He didn't mention it, just cuddled me and said it's fine but I cant stop thinking about it. I suppose the attraction for him in an older woman is someone who is experienced, independent, decent career, own home etc. I have all those things apart from being experienced sexually. I've had relationships previously and a few flings in my early 20's but I've never been overly bothered about sex. I enjoy it, but I can easily go without it. I'm deeply in love with this man. He's kind, caring and respectful and I wish I could let go during sex and show him how much he means to me but I get nervous when it comes down to it. I know I should talk to him and tell him how I feel but I'm embarrassed to bring it up. I don't want him to think that I don't know what I'm doing. He initiated sex last night but I refused and said I was tired. He was absolutely fine about it and that's what makes me feel even worse, the fact that he's so lovely about my constant refusal to get intimate. I suppose I'm just really self conscious about my body and how I look and I have a hard time letting go during sex because of this. Any advice on how I can totally let go during sex and show him how much he means to me? Thanks Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Kofcalifornia  +, writes (24 December 2021):
Study sex. Read as much as you can on the subject. Become comfortable speaking about it and open up those lines of communications. Explore what it is that interest you and see if you both have mutual fantasies/fetishes you both want to experience.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (24 September 2021):
 I think the first thing you need to do is get past these assumptions you have about why he is with you. He is with you because he likes you. He is not with you for your career, or your independence, your home or your experience.
He obviously treats you well and is after more than just a quick leg-over, otherwise he would not be so patient and understanding when you turn down his advances.
Why not start a conversation along the lines of "what attracted me to you was . . . " or "what I really like about you is . . . " and exchange views that way. Hopefully he will be able to reassure you that it is YOU he is into, not the stuff you assume.
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