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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I'm struggling to work out what this means - if anything...A few years ago I ended a relationship as he had started work in another part of the country and my work included weekends so we very rarely saw each other. We had many arguments about it and couldn't find a solution so we split. We both moved on fairly quickly with other people. About a year ago we got back in touch and have maintained a friendship of sorts ever since.I split with my partner recently, him and his gf have been on and off for several months.Anyway we've been speaking a couple of times a week and things have always been very friendly and nothing more. However about 2 months ago I noticed a change in the way he spoke to me, one night he called me to get my advice on a problem he's had at work and we stayed on the phone for 5 hours! In the morning he text me saying that was just like the old days, I like it a lot. In the early days of his job move we would have super long calls and it was great until the distance started causing problems.Over the weekend he asked to meet me and so yesterday we did. When we've met before it's been very friendly again, nothing that would imply we were ever more than friends. Yesterday he gave me a hug and kiss on the forehead as soon as we met and the old spark that we once had felt like it was back - to the point that I was getting butterflies! He's still with his gf but I know that he's not happy and is going to finish things with her this week (he found out this morning that she's been having an affair) I don't know what to expect from this. I'll admit id love to think he wanted me again but I don't want to get my hopes up. Any advice?
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (6 August 2014):
 There is something about this situation which I don't like. Its kinda hard to put my finger on but something doesn't seem right.
Do you not find it strange that as soon as things start going wrong with his girlfriend he decides to talk to you? (I know you've been friends for a while, but he has increased contact since him and his girlfriend have been going down hill)
I think he might be playing a bit of a game here, and I think its best if maybe for the time being you don't get back with him.
Its almost like he is getting one woman out the way and replacing her with you, its just moving way to fast, and having no time inbetween a break up and a relationship is just bad from start to finish.
I also think its really ironic that since he has started speaking to you more he has suddenly found out his girlfriend is having an affair, how can you be certain about this? How do you know he isn't just lying to you?
Also do you both still have the same jobs as before? If you do then the distance and time part is still going to be an issue and any potential relationship may end in the same way.
Oh yes, and another thing. Even though he hasn't done anything as such to suggest he is cheating with you or be out of the ordinary, I bet you a penny that he has hid the fact he met up with you, and maybe even the fact he's been talking to you, to his girlfriend. And yes you are right that isn't cheating but it still suggests he probably has ulterior motives he doesn't want his current girlfriend knowing about, and more importantly, if you did start having problems how can you be sure he wouldn't do the same with you?
I think this whole situation seems like a powder keg waiting to explode and I do not think you should get back with him as for some reason it just doesn't seem right. Good Luck x
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (6 August 2014):
 I will be brutally blunt with you here.
Do not go back to him whatsoever!! Getting back with an ex is never, ever a good idea & in fact, in most cases it will never last long term.
The fact is that you both broke up once, so what makes you think that it won't happen again?
A lot would have happened within both your lives between breaking up & also, even more importantly, he is with another woman right now.
Even if he tells you that he is unhappy & he will leave her, do you truly believe that he can just pick up with you, from where you both last left off from??
Even if he did leave her, just to be with you right now, it would simply be on the rebounds & this is never a healthy way to start or in your case, re-start a relationship.
You may find what i say very hard to believe, but i can guarantee that this rekindling of sorts, will not last & no, i am not bitter of jealous, i am in a very loving relationship & have been for many years, so as a woman, i genuinely care & want what i have, for every good woman out there.
I love the saying, where there is any doubt whatsoever, then surely there is a problem.
Where there is a problem, it must be dealt with immediately, otherwise it will fester & get much worse.
Do not get your hopes up, because you will be left broken hearted again.
I would even go as far as to say, that this man, yr ex, may only be having lustful feelings for you, not what you are confusing with real, sincere love, or anything long term.
After all, how can he suddenly be in love with you so quickly, when he has not even officially broken up with his ex yet??!! Please think about this.
The fact is, men need plenty of time to get over the past, to find complete closure, before they can be open to any kind of love again.
If you think otherwise, then you are only living in a dream state & you are kidding yourself.
Why don't you do yourself a big favour, get over this guy completely & move forward with your life, you have already done it & you have survived, right?? So do it again & this time, do not look back.
Save yourself the pain & heartache & know that he will surely dump on you in due time, if you did choose to get back together with him.
In my personal view, that would be a huge risk & gamble to take.
Another thing, he may even decide that he wishes to suddenly get back, with his current gf, if you guys did decide to get back together & you would have all sorts of baggage to put up with then.
You are an adult, so make the right decisions, don't take back an old flame, just because it feels good in the present moment.
True & unabiding love grows with time, it does not die & wither, nor does it stop & start.
Be brave, be strong & Good luck!
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