A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm looking for an answer.. I am in love with a man that is 18 years younger. He says he loves me too. But we are having a problem in the bedroom. He has came up with every excuse possible. Stress, his dad dying, his ex. He only has one kidney. Low testosterone. He claims that he is attracted to me, and I have witnessed his attraction but he just dont want to have sex. He says he's scared because he dont want to lose me. I think my age has something to do with it. We have sex about 2 a month. I just don't get it, a 30 year old should have a bigger sex drive. It's been this way since day one. And we have had several fights about it. He has told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. My family thinks he is using me, because I pay all of the bills. He givrs me his paycheck now and says I'm better with money. But this just recently started. He told me I needed to treat him like a man and start demanding things from him. And that mens nature eas to go after what they can't have. I'm confussed. Can anyone shef some light here? Am I being naive or do you think it could be medical. I used to think it was me, but ivr had younger and older men tell me I was hot. And he was either gay or sleeping with someone else. He laughed about it and denied it. He says he dont know why he has no interest. Please if anyone had encountered this problem or can help I neef it.
View related questions:
his ex, money, older men, sex drive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2014): I agree with CindyCares, but would add that it's possible the guy has unresolved issues with his mother. By giving you his paycheck, he is basically saying "you are in charge" but in a way that also strongly suggests "mother me because I cannot cope in the big bad world by myself and this is why I can't stand on my own two feet and get a girlfriend more age appropriate". He himself won't be aware of these thoughts re. his mother. But as time goes on he will come to resent you more and more BECAUSE he will be more and more dependent on you and not ever become independent.
Your own reasons for getting into such a relationship suggest that you are not completely well balanced as an individual - no offense intended here, very few people are - but to take on a guy 18 years younger suggests that you are either in denial about the reality of your own age or that you are in your own way needy - some people NEED to control others by seeming to care for them, but it's not a healthy need - and this may be you.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 August 2014):
 I guess it simply means that he is just not that into you.
He must have done his calculations, weighing pros and cons, and decided that a relationship with you is convenient for him. But among the pros, an intense sexual attraction is not there.
As a matter of fact, as I began reading your post, I wanted to scream : aaarghhh ! Cant't you SEE IT,lady ? ? This is a frealoader- a goldigger !
Do you have any idea of how many men would be willing to fuck even Shrek's wife if she paid for all their bills ?!
Forget attraction, money makes you get over even physical repulsion !
But then, I saw it is not THAT bad. At least he holds a job , and he has started giving you his paycheck... So, it's not all about mooching and convenience. . Pardon me , though, for thinking that there must be an element of practicality and rationality in this. I am sure he is attracted by the stability you provide ( he has not got to worry if he should lose his job.. ) , and for thinking that probably you live together in YOUR home, owned or rented by you,... and that you are more financially solid than him, both in cash and in credit... and I think that all this may have been quite present in his mind.
Not that he loathes you - I am sure he appreciates your personality, your companionship, your conversation etc.... and, the part he does not appreciate ( sex ) can be compensated by other practical considerations. All in all, you make his life easier . That's important and probably from his point of view it compensates for the lack of a big passion. So, he just makes a token effort, the bare minimum to keep you happy ( sort of ) in the bedroom, and he is never short of excuses if you want more.
Obviously this is a theory, I have no hard evidence to substantiate it.
But if you think it may be a medical issue, well, that's easy to check, isn't it ? take him- or drag him- to a doctor to investigate if he has low testosterone, or if it's because of his kidney problem etc... If they find a medical cause of his lack of desire, good ; then I am wrong, and the cause hopefully can be fixed. If they give him a clean bill of health- then , you know that it is something else, and, unluckily, the simplest explanation is also always the most probable...
...............................
|
