A
female
age
30-35,
*indypookie
writes:Am 20 and my boyfriend is 26. We've been together for 1 year. He was my first sexually. sure we do have our issues but we make sure its resolved by the end of the day. just about 3 months in the relationship, he confessed that he does have a 4 year old son back in his country and he is still in a relationship with the baby's mom, but he couldn't handle the long distance relationship.I did my research by investigating this lady and i found out that they are ENGAGED. I was hurt but Stupid me, i stayed. did i make a mistake? Secondly,as time passes, i feel like he doesn't love me anymore. At times, we won't talk to eachother for days. he always complains about my attitude( me getting mad so easily), which i believe i don't.I'll sometimes go through his phone, i'll see messages of him and other girls including my cousins saying "how he wants to rock their worlds; how he wants to become their special friend; how he wants to do every possible and impossible things with them). OH MY GOD.. each time i confront him, he'll say "Baby, don't you TRUST me?, am not doing anything, am a guy offcorse guys do think about stuffs like that, doesn't mean am gonna do it"..sometimes, i feel like he doesn't want people know he is in a relationship or perhaps, he is scared to commit. Whenever we in public, he always acts like we are nothing. For instance, we were at a party, everything was ok. he'll flirt with girls, i just don't pay any attention. i held his hands for us to dance, he got mad and started making some lame excuses like he was assigned to go pick some people to come to the party. i started having fun, i danced my burdens out. unfortunately, this guy approached me dat we should dance, i couldn't turn him down. everything was cool, the music booming, the floor shaking,later, the attraction between the guy and I grew stronger ( he was fine). Unfortunately, this guy is my bf's friend,they go way back in their country, but he has never ever heard about me. i guess my bf was slightly jealous cuz he came and cut in the middle, trying to dance wit me, but i wispered in his ear "now u ready to dance? well am not ready to dance wit u. you came i was having fun wit a great dancing partner, so if you'll excuse me, i have to continue wat i started". So, this guy told my bf in their language that he really likes me and he was to get my digits, then he left..My bf told me wat his friend said and that i should feel free and have fun. i was like, when he told u, why didn't you tell him to backoff? and dat am your gf? he was like common baby, i don't want him to know. i felt like my own bf was or is trying to sell me out, i was shocked. Then, the guy came, i thought flirting with him will drive my boo crazy and it did, i didn't tell d guy about me and my bf. my question is, Do you think me flirting wit my bf's friend is a good idea and should I have told the guy?.that guy made the rest of my night magical. he was unbelievable, he is everything i sometimes wish my bf is..to make it short,as days, weeks passes, each time i hear his voice, i got the butterflies. IS IT NORMAL TO FEEL THIS WAY? i started developing huge feelings for him,I think about him every single day, i even see him in my dreams,i can't help it, but i had to tell him about my bf. is it acceptable to have feelings for your bf's friend?.. we are connected somehow somewhere..not that am the onlyone involve, he is too.. even while i told him about my bf, he still can't stop his feelings. he cheers me up, he helps me with mostly everything. I do love my bf,but i can't stop thinking about this other guy. am desparate for help. I NEED THE BEST ADVICE.
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cousin, engaged, flirt, jealous, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 December 2012):
 so you are dating a guy that is engaged to another woman.
who is not going to admit to anyone he's dating you including a man that wants to see you...
I would dump the cheating lying boyfriend.
I would also tread very carefully with his friend who may also be a sleeze ball since as my mom used to say "birds of a feather flock together" meaning they may have similar ideas on how to treat or in this case mistreat women.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 December 2012):
 WHAT??? That's rich. A guy who is cheating on his FIANCE and sleeping with you is asking you to "TRUST" him. He doesn't know the meaning of the word.
Break up with him. Do not ever date cheaters, because you're flushing your life down the toilet, at least your romantic life!
Break up with this guy. Are you woman enough to not need some other guy as a safety net so that you can kick this cheater to the curb??
Also, are there no other guys in the world that it has to be the friend of Mr. Disgusting Cheater that you're interested in?? Really? Your cheater boyfriend has the integrity of pocket lint, and as the saying goes, birds of a feather flock together.
You need to change scenery. You're flirting with this new guy hoping it'll cause your "boo" to flip out? OMG. You're 18-21. At what point in your life do you start realizing that your decisions here will have lifelong impact? GONE are the high school carefree soap opera times, and here are the college, career, life-setting paths that are before you.
My best advice??? Spending one more millisecond with this bottom-feeder "boo" or his friend is a big mistake. Stop thinking like a high school student, and never ever date a cheater again. Ever. Not ever.
Playtime is over.
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A
female
reader, cindypookie +, writes (10 December 2012):
cindypookie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice. the guys are not BFF.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (10 December 2012):
 1. dump the man who is
a) engaged
b) flirting with others
c) ashamed to call you this girlfriend
d) playing the field while keeping you on the side
2. wait it out with this new guy. If he's BFF with this jerk you're with now, that could be bad news. Don't just jump into this new relationship. Feel out his personality a little longer before pursuing it romantically. IF all systems are go, then try it with this guy.
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