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female
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anonymous
writes: How should I handle this? I just found out that my boyfriend of almost 2 years was with another girl about 5 months ago, not sexual but they kissed. I asked him about this, and he said I was crazy and that he didn't even know this girl, just knew her name. But she's the one that told me that they did go out, at a time when we were broken up. Our break ups never last more than a few days. I love this man dearly but I'm not sure what I should do. Please give me some advice. I'm going crazy. Should I leave it alone and just know, or make a big thing out of it.? I don't want to lose him. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2005): So your taking another persons word over that of your partners? Try some trust, if he says he didnt do it, then you should believe it.
Personal experience in situations have shown me that ppl who like your partner will say anything to try and break them up.. its jelousy, trust your partner and talk to him, and let him know you trust him. (if you do,if not...)
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female
reader, beenthere +, writes (2 November 2005):
did you fly off the handle at him when you found out? if you did, that'd be why he said you're crazy. if not, i would have to assume he is lying. if it was an innocent peck then he wouldn't need to lie. just let him know you can get over this but you need his reassurance that you are the one he wants and, maybe you're worried it could happen again and go further. i will be honest and tell you that i have kissed a few fellas while i've been in relationships including my current one. i didn't let it go any further and always explain that i'm attached. it can be difficult to get away from some people if they're trying to snog you especially when you or they are drunk. if you don't go out to the same places, see if he will take you to the place the kiss happened. if he does, i'm sure you have nothing to worry about
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (2 November 2005):
 Have you made a big thing about it?
What concerns me is that your boyfriend said you were crazy. I mean, if you just accused him, I could almost understand this but if you just told him what this girl said, then he shouldn't have said you were crazy and could make one suspicious.
Why is this girl telling you this? Is she meant to be a friend or does she want you both to split up?
It is a difficult one this because you want to be able to trust your boyfriend and now doubt has been thrown into the relationship.
I think you need to talk to him again. Explain how upsetting you find this; talk more about your feelings as opposed to what happened. Ask him for reassurance not just a brush off to say you are crazy. He should at least attempt to make you understand that you are the only one for him and that you have absolutely nothing to worry about.
You may also need to work on the small break ups that you do have and discuss ways of preventing them.
You don't have to make a big thing out of it to express how you feel. Talk to him about your worries, explain to him how you feel about him and your future together and expect love and reassurance in return as that is what you do deserve.
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