A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I made a huge mistake.two nights ago I went to hang out with my friends brother. She was suppose to meet us there and so when I went over I wasn't expecting for this to go the way they did. His sister called and said she wasn't gonna make it so I stayed and chilled for a bit. It was really awkward he had just moved in so the didn't have a tv and there living room wasn't really set up so we chilled in his room. He made some comments that were flattering but inappropriate and I didn't really stop him. I just laughed and got nervous. part of me did like the attention. I was aware that what I was doing was wrong and could end badly. Me and my boyfriend of one year have been fighting for two months straight. Mainly because of my insecurities and my depression.he has been nothing but kind and supportive and sometimes hell loose his cool even then he is still an amazing person. I couldn't believe that I did this to him but at the time it felt nice to have someone look at me in a positive way minus all the bad stuff that my boyfriend has seen lately. Eventually before I knew it he was trying to make a pass at me, he tried to kiss me and at first I forced myself and tried to invision my boyfriend. I then soon after pushed him off me. I reminded him I had a boyfriend and then said I had to go. He apparently had no clue I had a boyfriend even after I had introduced them once. I went straight home and cooked dinner for my boyfriend and we slept together that nite. That morning I woke up crying. On his way out to school I felt my heart twisting and turning. I told my boyfriend and he ruched out told me he didn't want to see me that night. He text me and said he didn't hate me but that he didn't want to be with me right now. All yesterday I cried ever time I woke from sleep I woke up because I was not next to him. I stayed at my parents house last nite. I begged for his forgiveness yesterday and asked if we could just move forward. He said he could not just pretend it didn't happen. He needs time but he doesn't want to deal with it now. That he needs a break. I painted his portrait last nite and tetx the image to him. Kept telling him how sorry I was. No answer. We spoke on facebook for a moment and I asked him not to remove me from his relationships. He said okay and signed off. I'm so scared. I love this boy and I want to do anything in my power to fix what I have broken. To make him feel better. I can't stand that I have hurt him so badly but also need to knwo if he will forgive me. This boy has told me he could marry me and I really feel that he is right. I always have. What do I do? How do I make him see that this was ahuge mistake and nothing more? Will I lose this person?
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male
reader, Dailath  +, writes (9 September 2010):
you have some good advice already, but if you care, dont give up to soon. A letter is great and a txt each day stating how important he is to you ect, is OK but should not contain questions.
A
male
reader, Agony Doctor +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Congratulations for telling yor boyfriend, i respect you for that.
You were honest in telling him what happened and now you ahve regretted doing what you did that night. Try to lokk at it from a difderent perspective, would you want to be with your bofriend if he was with someone else? would you be questioning yourself of why your boyfriend decided to be with someone else even though it was a mistake? would you be angry at your boyfriend? would you want to be with him right now? would you need your own space? You probably said no to all these quetions and taht is what your boyfriend is doing right now. He needs his own space to work things out in his head and to question himself over this which will make him angry and upset. yes he is hurting badly at the moment and there is alot of questions that will be going on in his head at the moment, he will be wondering if you done anything more than just kiss and even though you said you tried to envisage your boyfriend during, your boyfriend will be thinking why? why kiss someone else if you have to think about the one you love? it does not make sense and it is a pretty weak answer.
He may take you back and hopefully work things out with you but this will all be in the back of his mind and constantly ther no-matter what he says. For someone to cheat on the other partner will eventually lose the loved one due to the mistake they made, or was it a mistake? was it a way of subconciously ending the relationship because of the fighting going on over your insecurities?
your boyfriend needs time out and s odo you and you really need to work on your insecurities and then and only then can you work on the relationship.
He needs time out to understand why you did this and to try and see if the relationship will ever work again. You both need to give eachother the space and time to work things outr without rushing back into it as that would just be explosive and could finish it for good.
work on yourself and hopefully he will be able to come and meet you half way and try again.
i do hope things work out for you both.
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A
male
reader, roysten  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 I get the feeling that every girl needs to learn this lesson once :)
There will always be other boys/men who will chase you if you are attractive. Its in your power to cheat on your boyfriend.
Now when I say cheat here I'm kindof gettnig at a range of things... letting him say the inapropriate things because you enjoyed it... well thats half way there.
I don't blame you for what happened, the question that interests me is how do you view these kinds of situations now? What does it mean to passively allow the advances of an other man...even if you dont kiss or get touchy...
Whether your boyfriend will trust you to cahnge I dont know.
If you loose him I get the feeling you will ahve learnt the consequences of ' doing nothing' when a third party tries to mucle in.
You sound like a nice girl, so just a piece of advice... Sorry isnt good enough in this situation, there will be another guy soon enough and plently of fights with your lover :) Personally I believe this kind of thing happens a lot more to girls and the first time it does its hard for you to see it coming... up untill now it was ok to let guys say inappropriately nice things right?
Well he wont see it that way, for honest guys your in or your out. Simple creatures.
Its about taking that step from passive to active. Have a think on it then talk it out with your boyfriend.
I wish you well :)
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (9 September 2010):
 Yes, time for you to back off. Give him the space he's asked for. What you did was bad, but not that bad in the whole scheme of things.
I wonder when girls will learn that going to a boy's bedroom with him is a bad idea when you aren't in a relationship with him, and doubly so when they have a boyfriend.
You see, you made this mistake, but at the same time he is probably wondering what you were thinking to begin with. He knows what boys who invite girls into their rooms are after. He probably feels you should have known this was a bad idea and never put yourself into the situation to begin with. At least, that's what I'd be thinking about. A kiss that wasn't your fault can be forgiven, but if he thinks you'll do something like this again out of niavete or whatever, then he may not be as forgiving.
Your best bet going forward is to assume that any boy who wants to spend time with you, especially alone time, is interested in you. He won't let something like a boyfriend stop him. Don't put yourself in a situation where you'll end up doing something you'll regret.
As for your BF, give him some time. He sounds busy and needs some time to figure out his feelings on this matter. I personally don't think you'll lose him, but it is possible. One other point. If he forgives you, then make sure you drop it. Don't bring it up again apologizing, he doesn't want to think about more than he has to. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 September 2010):
There is a very high chance of you losing him. This does look bad, mainly because he will be asking himself what you were doing alone with him, and also coupling it together with the fact that for two months you've been having arguments and you'be been a bit insecure.
That said, you've come straight out and admitted what happened, and you've said sorry and offered to make it up. So you've done the right thing there.
Now you need to stop wallowing in your own tears. The more you do, the less likely it is he will come back. I'd suggest sitting down and writing him a letter explaining what happened, then telling him much you regret it happened and that you want to make it up. Sometimes men respond more to visual things such as letters. So try that, then give him a few days space to think.
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