A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have a great sex life, despite him working long hours on most days. he's wonderful, like mr. perfect, and i really love him, but i have a really big problem. He's really keen on anal sex, but i've tried it two to three times, and every time it's been extremely painful and uncomfortable, and i've had to push him away. The other day i even burst into tears because it felt so wrong and the pain was unbearable. I keep trying it in case it feels better but it never does, but i don't want to tell my boyfriend that i don't want to do it anymore because i feel like I'm a failure and i don't want to disappoint him. what do i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2009): Why would any person want to do anything that hurts them just because someone else wants them to do it???Anal sex is extremely painful at worst and numbing at best so if you feel pain, that is your body saying No WayI have dated many men in my life and a very tiny minority ever wanted anal sex. I think most men are not at all interested in it. Find another boyfriend, and be sure he respects you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2009): Oh, I have to disagree with Skweebuu, vasaline is a horrible lube (it's NOT a lube at all!) it's pasty and you need something really slippery. At a minimum KY jelly, better a sex lube that's like slik!Enjoying anal sex is all about your ability to relax and trust your man, and it sounds like your guy has blown it on both accounts. Guys- if you treat you girl right when it comes to anal, you'll have it often, if not, you'll NEVER get it... learn this early!
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A
male
reader, RosesAreRed86  +, writes (3 November 2009):
While I'm not going to encourage you to do something that you really don't want to do, I think it's just a question of you being relaxed enough and not clenching your sphincter. The more you try to resist and fight it, the more it's going to hurt, because your butt won't spread open as easily.
This was certainly the case for my ex-girlfriend. For a long time she wasn't keen on having anal sex because she found it painful, but after a while she realized it was just a matter of her being relaxed and from then on out she found it enjoyable. It also will help if you're really horny and in the mood for sex at the time. Having absolute trust in your partner is key too. You have to trust that he will stop if you ask him to and that he won't try to hurt you.
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A
female
reader, loveiscare  +, writes (1 November 2009):
 It is your body, and if your boyfriend respects you then he will understand when you tell him no. If he dosen't understand then I would say that you need to re-evaluate your realtionship and his feelings for you.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (31 October 2009):
 Useful site:
http://www.puckerup.com/
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A
male
reader, Skweebuu +, writes (31 October 2009):
Okay, I'm a guy and I too love anal... First, you need condom because part of that pain is rectal tearing which can lead to many complications in you (Including AIDS). If he cares he will read up on the subject because if you do it wrong it's one of the most painful things ever (Right up there with a spinal tap in my opinion). Second, make sure everything is clean, use the bathroom beforehand use unscented soap to clean your ass hole. I always have my partner clean inside their ass holes too so I can stick my tongue inside and loosen them up. The cleaner you get it the more he'll be into step three. Third anal is all about foreplay, he needs to be able to make you relax. Have him bone up on a subject called 'rim job's' (If he really likes anal he'll love doing this to make you relax). It's going to be a little weird at first but it's really enjoyable to give or receive these. Fourth, even if you're relaxed, you NEED lubrication. He will literally wreck your ass hole if you don't use it and It's going to hurt a LOT without it. Lubrication is what makes anal REALLY good. Many people argue weather or not to use water-based lubrications. In my experience you need a thick lubrication, I suggest Vaseline. As you can see there is a LOT to anal sex. I also find a good way to show ignorant guys how it feels is to stick ONE finger into there ass and move it around like he would inside you. Then tell him to imagine that times 5. He'll get the point pretty quick. Hope this helps, enjoy!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): actually anal sex is about relaxation and if you don't know how it will be painful. If you want to discuss it in private you can pm me. I will be glad to give you some great techniques. :-)
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A
female
reader, openmind +, writes (29 October 2009):
Honey it is your body if you dont want to do it because it hurts you then dont do it and just tell him plain and simple, and if he has a problem with that then say well let me try it on you and see if it hurts you. Now if you absolutely want to do it for your self and not for him try purchasing this stuff called anal desensatizing lube it should help dull the pain and LUBE LUBE LUBE!
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A
female
reader, meganw3221 +, writes (29 October 2009):
 It is your body, and if your boyfriend respects you then he will understand when you tell him no. If he dosen't understand then I would say that you need to re-evaluate your realtionship and his feelings for you.
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