A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi, i am really in a jam here. i am engaged to my fiance of 5 years and recently connected with my ex boyfriend. my ex and i never really broke up. he left the country and never returned till now. and we still have so much love for each other. he is also involved. we can't stop contacting each other and wishing we could get back together. help i don't know what to do.
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broke up, engaged, fiance, get back together, my ex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): There is a phenomenon that has recently been discovered wrt first loves. It drives two people together that know that they shouldn't. Not only this, but once reunited, they tend to stay together for life. This means, even after you get married to your fiance, you will still have a crush on this man, and eventually cheat on your future husband, and perhaps run off with this fellow. If this is true, it would be better and cheaper to do it now, before you say your wedding vows, than to do what so many people here think is the "right thing to do." Don't marry someone because everyone else thinks you should. For that matter, do you really know what everyone else thinks in the first place? There is a line in "The Sound of Music", where Captain Von Tropp tells Maria, "You can't marry someone, when you are in love with someone else. Can you?" How true!
A
female
reader, chloe71z  +, writes (11 August 2008):
 OK so he left and NEVER contacted you. In my eyes that means he really didnt care for you when he left. cause if he had then he would have. Now that he is back intown he is looking to get some action and hoping that your old feelings will come back and he can but how long is this person really going to be around how do you know he wont just up and leave again. Your engaged witch means that you have moved on with your life. I had the same problem with and ex of mine that came back two days before my wedding and sayed dont marry him marry me insted. Im so glad I didnt choose him cause now he is in jail for robbing a store or something. Sometimes the obviouse is right in front of os but we dont know how to say NO. Take it from me and just move on and forget about him like he did you all those years ago.
God Bless and I'll pray for you.
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A
female
reader, beauty344 +, writes (11 August 2008):
 Well i believe never to look back and just go on with your life .. He was your past and also you didnt lose 5years for no reason .. never rewind always forward goodluck and take care
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): I agree with the previous post.
This isn't the 1800s, and while you're both "involved," neither one of you has taken vows. If this guy is the love of your life, then now is the time to do something about it.
The thing is, be careful that you're not just getting caught up in the emotions. It's possible to love two people, and to love them differently. The fact that you once loved this guy, and that perhaps a part of you always will, may not mean you no longer want the future you signed up for when you accepted your fiance's proposal. Maybe you do still want that. If you aren't really ready to totally walk away from the fiance, cut off contact with the ex.
Unless this guy's return is the thing that really highlights all the things that have been wrong in your current relationship all along, and that you've really just been lying to yourself about when you thought you could get past them ... keep him as a memory.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (11 August 2008):
 Hi,
it all must seem so exciting. You never had any closure and now he's back on the scene playing with your heartstrings.
Take a step back, and ask yourself do you really love your fiance? If you do then tell your ex that it was great seeing him again but you are going to get married , and wish him all the best for the future.
If you continue to communicate with him it will only create more chaos in your life and most likely will end in tears.
Only you can really know what you want, if you want to get married then cease contact with your ex immediately , if you are having second thoughts then do the right thing and break it off. Make your choices simple, you dont need complications when you are about to get married, and having an ex on the scene makes it as complicated as it gets!
good luck
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