A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is to the aunts or anyone whom has been separated and or has gone through a divorce. Im married under 1 year, 2 mths shy from our 1 year anniversary so to speak but that will not happen. My husband and I have split, insisting on needing a divorce. I offered counselling but he refused, so I got counselling myself so that it helped me deal with certain things in the marriage. Not long ago, I walked away from him since he insisted that I must move. We have no children. But the way he has been acting for the last 2 mths hurt me. I find it difficult at times, but am not in any denial that divorce will happen. I can accept it but am struggling sometimes with the whys that have never been answered by him. How can one overcome and move so that one starts living a happy life?suggestions please.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): I am also going through what you are going through.
I won't lie, I was pretty devastated for a long time and I just couldn't figure out why this was happening to me. I was married a little over two years and I remember sadly thinking "wow, forever turned out to be a very short time!"
I also suggested counseling that was refused. We are actually just in the process now of seperating.
The best advice I can give is to know that eventually you will heal. Try to remember who you were before the marriage and perhaps even before you knew this person...remember your successes and the things you did that made you feel good. Expect to have ups and downs, but those downs will become less frequent in time.
If anything at all, consider it a learning experience. Now you will be much more equipped to find someone who meets your needs better and will be more aware of what you do and don't want. You are still young, life offers more than one chance. Try to be optimistic, take good care of yourself and remember you only get one life, you deserve to have a happy one.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): I have empathy with you; it is never easy to get closure if you have so many uncertainties and unanswered questions. Is it not possible for you to have a discussion with him to get some answers from him?
How long have you been together before you got married?
I don't know what went wrong in your relationship, but it sounds as if you have tried to do something about the problems by going for counselling; Maybe you can ask the councelor to assist you now again in dealing with the unresolved issues and how to deal with the pain.
Yes, divorce is not easy but if there is not away to reconcile the differences and if both parties are not prepared to put in an effort it is better then to stay in an unhappy marriage.
The pain, hurt and humiliation does go away; you have to not blame yourself for what went wrong and be sure that you have done everything possible to save your marriag; if you are with out guilt feelings and without regret it is so much easier to move forward.
With time you will be able to look back at it and you will hopefully be able to have learnt from this and will try to avoid making the same mistakes.
Life is a learning school! We learn from our experiences.
Keep your self occupied; find new hobbies, maybe start studying something; but allow yourself time to "mourn" the loss; do not supress your emotions; cry if you feel like it; it does help to release the emotions and not to bottle it up!
Be strong and take good care of yourself; do not neglect yourself; take good care of your health; do eat well and get enough sleep;
Exercise in times like this can also be very helpful.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
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A
female
reader, chloe71z  +, writes (11 August 2008):
 I have been ther and all I can say is Pray and ask God to help you threw this time of need. Pray for strength and help to understand. Time heels all wounds. just remember that jesus loves you and all you have to do is ask. Take care and God Bless.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): I have a few questions back and perhaps a few answers. Relationships do hurt you but is the hurt he has caused you so bad that you can't forgive, mend, move on and grow together? I've been in relationships where that has happened and there has been fresh insight, greater respect and joy. I've also been in relationships where the hurt is too deep and for my own self-respect and happiness, it was better to leave. If you are sure divorce is the only answer, then I offer you this advice. Time. The saying "time is a healer" is corny but true. You will have desperate days and better days and the healing process will be a roller coaster ride that you can't get off. Take one day at a time and don't look too far into the future. Surround yourself by friends and family, do lovely things and get outside in the sunshine, don't wallow indoors. One day you will wake up and it won't hurt anymore but I can't tell you when that will be. There will always be a scar but you can chalk it up to experience and to give you another saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". I send you love and good wishes.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (11 August 2008):
 I am going through the same thing.
I guess the only thing is to take one day at a time.
You will have good days and bad days.
But time will heal your heart. What's important is to take time out and learn to love yourself again. A divorce can take a hit on your self-esteem. We blame ourselves, what we could have done differently. Learn from the mistakes, and grow before entering another relationship.
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