A
female
age
,
*rishgeen
writes:I am married, I have a 27 year old disabled daughter and 4 other healthy grown children. I am VERY vulnerable. I have been "slightly" pursued, asked "if you ever need to talk, I am here" This man oversees a financial aspect of my disabled daughter. I had to contact him 2 more times, the same "hint" asked. I relented, I had coffee with him. He is also married with 2 children. There was an immediate chemistry and attraction. We met 3 times in my car, I was too shy to go to a motel, very heavy physical and oral satisfaction ensued. We began to speak on the phone M-F every day as he drove home for 4 weeks. He continued asking for the "motel room" to happen. He stopped phoning. I know I should be grateful, I have a good husband, not very supportive with our daughter, he does not know how. I became emotionally bonded to the married man. He phones me through 3 party, unknown, and out of area phones, he listens as I ask hello, 2 or 3 times, then hangs up. I know it is him as NO one but my husband has my cell # and he is at home. Should I be worried ? I am secretly enjoying the attention, but know it is wrong, and know his "drop " of me very cruel, I felt we were friends too. I have been 9 weeks not spoken to him. I still grieve the contact. Working through the stages of grief are hard, I know better, how could I let this happen ? It stuns me to realize it "almost "did. I must be that lonely, and isolated woman. It is very hard having a disabled child, the guilt, and time and emotion are traumatic, she is the light of my life though. I know time heals all, I am worried I may "cave" if he ever "speaks" rather than listens when he phones. I have never phoned him after his "drop of me" I never will do that either.Thank you for reading, it helps to "air" whom can you tell this too? Everyone would be shocked at me behavior.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (1 June 2008):
 It is understandable that your life has an added demand with a disabled child. That does not justify what you've done though. Almost everybody who cheats has some type of complication in their personal life.
You say, "how could I let this happen. It stuns me to realize it almost did." There is no almost if you're referring to adultery. It did happen. I don't understand how you went from three contacts with this guy, one cup of coffee to sex in a car. You must be feeling very low. Unfortunately, what you've done has only complicated things. You say you have a very good husband although not very supportive with your daughter. You've established he's a good guy but what does the not very supportive part mean? Do yo mean he can't help her bathe, cook etc? Is it because he is working and perhaps you're at home with her?
What ever it is, it needs to be identified. Maybe you need a break form time to time. Perhaps your husband sees other things he does as supportive. Perhaps he thought the roles in your relationship were well defined. Women tend to be better care givers. Motherhood often takes over the wife role. It's always been that way. Men tend to do the grunt work and provide for the family. Men bring home the goods necessary to sustain the family unit. This also can lead to problems because we isolate ourselves as a couple.
In the end, it sounds like the other guy may have seen a weak spot in you and he went for it. What has he really given you? Oral sex in a car? What type of help is that. He offered you this..."if you ever need to talk, I am here" It's hard to speak while having oral sex. There was no assistance being offered in those moments.
Stay away from the guy. Have yourself tested for STD's and decide if you should tell your husband what you've done. If you feel overloaded or isolated, talk to your spouse or get counseling but do not cheat.
A
female
reader, malvern  +, writes (1 June 2008):
 It is very understandable why you turned to this man, especially so as your husband does not support his daughter as he should. We are all frail human beings yearning for love and approval from others. Opportunity presented itself and you took it. I think that the man has realsied what he's getting himself into and has backed off - probrably quite wisely given the circumstances - but nevertheless very hurtful to you. He should have explained. I am afraid you need to move on without him and forget him. He's being a bit of a coward. Try to work on your husband, he seems to be neglecting you and should be more supportive with his daughter.
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (1 June 2008):
 Not shocked at all. My mother was emotionally alone, having a downs syndrum son, and my father M.I.A. It's hard to go though life with someone who dosnt share your feelings , concerns, joys, laughter, and so on. When it's missing, we always magnetize to others who do. In some ways, too, he is distracting you from your everyday stress, and I know how stressful it is having a disabled child to care for, no matter how much you love them. I dont have good advice for you, amd I appolagize for that, but I am here to say, I completly understand, and dont judge you for what you're doing. I look up to you, and hope that you find a positive distraction. Good luck, keep strong!
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