A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi I've been married for over 21 years to the same man we have 2 children one is 21 the other is 12. I've found several signs of my husband cheating on me and I'm ready to leave but I just don't know if it's the right thing to do. I guess because we've been together for so long that I feel I can't make it on my own. I'm 41 and have been with him since I was 17 I've never cheated on him, but have caught him 5 times and 2 of those times was in the past 2 years. He tells me I have issues and that I need to talk with someone to come off of my high horse.Am I wrong to leave or should I stay for our youngest daughter, who also tells me to leave him. I'm so confused and need advice on this.... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, carmen rae +, writes (23 March 2009):
By reading the other post I myself would take a little from all, but mainly try to communicate with him. Tell him how you and your daughter feel, if indeed you want to save your family. Make him come clean. If u can live with his answers about why he turned to someone else maybe the both of u can work on what's wrong. Just doesn't get any better unless u don't confront the conflict that is tearing your family apart. And don't think ur 12yr old will hold anyrhing against u no matter what u and your husband decide, sounds like she just don't want to see u get hurt anymore. If you and ur husband decide u can't fix things it might even be better for her not having to be disapponted in the both of u. you won't be doing her any good if u and your husband allow tis to continue. Hope my opion helped. But its just my opion. I hope you don't blame the other women for your husbands infedility. No one wins in those situations. Bad choices everyone makes them, sounds like u are gonna have to make a very big one. Don't forget your family and friends they will always be there. God bless stay in touch
A
male
reader, Jason means Healer  +, writes (23 March 2009):
I'm sure your daughter has your interests at heart, but at 12 she is no way mature enough to be impartial in her advice, but then that doesn't make her wrong either...
If your husband thinks that you pulling him up on unfaithfulness is getting up on a high horse then it sounds like he's disrespecting your place as wife and mother.
People often accuse others of what they do themselves.
In one place, you talk about "signs" of his cheating, in another you mention "caught."
Truly, you can't act on suspisions alone, test the spirits and pray that more concrete proof is forthcoming.
If he is cheating, you are risking your health even being with him, so no; it is not wrong to leave him.
Sometimes, it takes a hit like that to bring a person to their senses.
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A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (23 March 2009):
 Wow...even your own daughter tells you to leave, that should say something to you. However, let me at least ask you this, when you first caught him cheating and or even the other times, did you forgive him and move forward to talk and better your relationship or has there been times where you have lashed out in any way where he just went back to knowing what he knows...cheating...? Someone who cheats that many times is "normally" not getting "something" in their relationship and turns to another. Now this is NOT to say that anything is your fault. This is merely saying it sounds more like both of you are not able to communicate effectively where both of you can understand what it is and how to fix it. Could it be sex? Could it be kind words? Could it be just being thoughtful? I don't know. Now, this may not be the case at all....he could be just where he feels he should have his cake and eat it too. Sometimes in the first case, if your willing, you can talk this out and find out what it is and what has made him fall in to the arms of another. However, I will say...if he tells you the truth, be prepared for whatever it is and just listen to him. No fighting no nothing. You know him, we don't. You know if this is something that he just feels he can do and if he feels you should just put up with it...and if it is, I personally would leave him. You will find a way to make it on your own, trust me. No one deserves to be cheated on like that and surely that is not what you want your daughter to think is "ok" to do or for her to meet a man when she is older to do to her and her feel its ok to put up with like you have.
I'm not sure what he meant to you when he said you have issues and you need to get off your high horse...I wish you would have explained that further in detail or gave an example...might clear a few other thoughts in my head.
Bottom line...Just because you have been with him for so long and still have a 12 yr old does not mean you must stay with him and stick it out....we all deserve to be treated with respect, honesty and loyalty. No one should be treated in this manner if they really loved you.
Good luck to you and your daughter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): Hold up... you have never cheated on him, but have caught him cheating on you FIVE TIMES and he says you should "get off your high horse"? And this guy is still in your house? I think you absolutely NEED to kick him out before your 12 year old daughter loses all respect for you.
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