A
female
age
36-40,
*arla1999
writes:I have known this guy Steve for a few years, he is a friend of a friend. He was a total player,dating more girls then I can count and totally disrespecting them. A few months ago we were talking on facebook and we ended up staying up all night talking, after doing this for several nights he asked me out to dinner. I thought it was funny because I wasnt like the other gurls he noramally dates. He was sweet,he payed attention to everything I said, he didnt try to take me home at the end of the night and he texted me after he left to say good night. After that we talked every night and have hung out several times. He was always sweet very respectful and we have so mcuh fun together. He always put a lot of effort into our dates, finding fun attractions for us to visit or plannign a nice dinner. Over the week end he invited me to a party with him, when we showed up together most of my friends were shocked. They said that they were amased I would even consider going on date with him and how he was such a player. A few months ago I would have agreed with them but now that I have actually had a chance to spend some one on one time with him he seems nice. When I told them we had been hangign out alot that said I was a fool.Even he has said to me that he was disrespectful to a lot of girls he dated and how he was a pig. I really dont think the nice guy is just an act, I think he truely did change. My friedns say I am setting self up to get hurt but I dont think so. Am I wrong?
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female
reader, carla1999 +, writes (29 May 2010):
carla1999 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionask oldersiister -
you made a lot of very good points. Like I said before I am not trying to change him, I think that this is the real him , he used the player statues because it was easy for him. He hasnt been in a serious relationship for almost 2 yrs, when he was with his ex, he was a good guy. He wasnt a player type at all. He never cheated on her. As for since then , the girls he was with were never really girl friends only hook ups,and no he didnt treat them nice at all. He used them for sex and that was aparent to everyone around including them. But he also never tried to fool them, he was blunt and open about it to them that he only wanted the sex and not a relationship. I have accepted the fact that he slept with alot of people, I cant change his past. Maybe its nto the past I would like my potential boyfriend to have but everyone has things in their past they are not proud of.
I am nto trying to make excuses for him, it is just the more time I spend with him the more I think he is a good guy. Last night he came over, we cooked me dinner, we watched a movie, cuddled on the couch. He was sweet, rubbing my back, telling me how happy he has been since hanging out with me etc. to em if this was ana ct he would have gotten tired of it by now and went on to some one else.
A
female
reader, carla1999 +, writes (29 May 2010):
carla1999 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not trying to "save" or "change" Steve. I dont think he needs saving. I will admti he made ALOT of mistakes, but I also think he was misjudged also. When we first started talking I thought he was a joke and an ass, then once we got comfortable and he let his guard down he is a different guy. Normally I would run away to but I kinda feel like he is a good guy. We hang out alot and he makes me laugh and feel happy. We havent had sex so I know he isnt using me for that. I guess I will have to take a chance.
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A
female
reader, carla1999 +, writes (28 May 2010):
carla1999 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok sorry about all the typos, I just worked a 12 hour shift on about 4 hours sleep.
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A
female
reader, carla1999 +, writes (28 May 2010):
carla1999 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk I asked him what he meant by "he could" and he said that after his ex and him broke up he met a girl at a party and had a one night stand,he said they ended up hooking up for sex for a few weeks and he felt bad becaue she started calling him so he came out and told her that he was using her for sex and she was fine about it. He said it continued for a few more weeks then one night at a prty he was talking with ome guys and they were talking about girl and stuff and he called her a slut, he heard him and came over and took his hand and they went up stair to a room and had ex. He said after that things kinda changed.He siad it seemed that the worse he would treat a girl in public the more girls seem to be attracted to him. So he did it. He said that he coudl call a girl a whore and 4 other girls would hand him their numbers. When I asked him why he woudl want to be so rude he just looked at me with a blank look on his face and said he really didnt know why. I asked him how it made him feel that people thought he was a scum bag he aid "why worry what others think". so what do you think?
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A
female
reader, carla1999 +, writes (26 May 2010):
carla1999 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlonely two - we have talked about his past many times, he will admit he didnot treat girls in his past right, HE said he did it because he could, he said that it seemed like the more he r=treated girls bad the more girls seemed to like him, so he did it. He said he never really had feelings for the girls and has said that he was ashamed of what he had done in the past. When we talk he seems honest, we have talked about what he looks for in a girl and it funny because said he wanted a strong girl that would never let a guy disrespect her.
Normally I wouldnt give im a chance but once getting to know him I feel like he is a different person then the one I thought I knew, even over the weekend when we were at the party, he never once said anything rude, he held my hand, introduced me to a few people I didnt know, got me drinks,he was the same sweet guy I seen when it was just the two of us. I sometimes think that maybe the "player Steve" was more of an act just because he really didnt know how else to be, if that makes sence.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): Q. What's the difference between the sound of a reforming player, versus the sound of a player who is playing the game as usual?
A. Nothing.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (26 May 2010):
 There are risks in everything you do . Life is a gamble.
He may have been a player before and that phase could be over for him . Perhaps, he is now ripe to settle down and to find the right partner.
Trust with your own eyes and your own intuitions .
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (26 May 2010):
 One benefit of dating a reformed player is that he may have gotten all of his "play" out of his system. He might actually make a better mate than someone with less history because he's not worried that he's missing out on anything.
Just take your time, but you're not a fool for spending time with him.
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (26 May 2010):
 I think that he definitely could have changed, he just needed the right girl. Alot of the time the reason someone is a player is because they just can't seem to find to find a relationship that satifies them.
I say keep seeing him and make sure things go slow. I'm sure he knows that now he has to prove himself because of his past and he needs that oppertunity to do so from you. There is a chance that you will get hurt but that is the same with any relationship you put your heart into. Without you taking that risk you would never find out what that person has to offer.
Follow your heart down your own path. Best of luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): Every person out there has to take that risk, so no, you are not wrong, by any means.
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