A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When it comes to height and weight, I'm right smack-dab in the middle of all that is average for someone my age. I'm just under 5'5" and 117 lbs. My boyfriend of over five years, however, is not what you would call "petite". He has a foot of height over me and carries about 150 lbs more than me. He's a big guy. We started dating the beginning of freshman year of high school and right now, we go to separate colleges. We trust each other and all that but I can't help thinking, "I'm so glad he's fat." But is that entirely too rude and selfish of me to think that? I mean, I don't WANT him to be fat solely because of the health factor. I want him to stay alive so I can marry him and have kids with him and then grow old with him, you know? But because he is pretty much the average American male (fat/chubby/pudgy/whatever), I can't help thinking if he was more fit, he would attract more attention than I'd be comfortable with. I am completely and head-over-heels in love with the guy! And I certainly love his love handles! I call the stretch marks on his belly "beauty marks", and I'm pretty much obsessed with his thick neck and moobies. But am I wrong or not in being grateful that he's not exactly swimsuit model material?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2010): Im dating that "typical" american guy myself. I also love it! And yes, I've caught myself thinking "Im glad he's on the heavier side so he doesnt attract so much attention". I think he's drop dead gorgeous as he is, and if he didn't have the wight he'd drown in girls throwing themselves at him. In my eyes at least he's the most handsome man I know.
I don't think it's wrong to think like we do. I mean, it's not a negative thought. I actually think it's quite a constructed thought that doesnt reflect reality the least. Im pretty sure both of our guys could hook up with girls no matter what their weight is! The fact is though: they don't, because they love their gf. And even if they had the body of a Greek god they wouldn't have problems staying faithful, because they still love the gf right?
What we however do worry about, is that we're not good enough. Thinking "Im glad he's fat" kinda leans towards the "Im glad I don't have to compete with anyone for him, so that he doesnt have a choice and has to stay with me". Again.. it's not really true that he doesnt have a choice. A fat guy has as much of a choice as any other guy. Sure, may get hit on less. But no one should settle with "the best they can get" and not "the one". You know? I mean are you dating him simply because no one else wanted YOU? I am sure he's not dating you because he couldn't get anyone else.
Just my thoughts on the matter. It's fine to think so as long as you dont openly say it to him. And you should be aware: it's not true that he is less attractive to girls because he is fat. You're attracted to him right? Im sure other girls are too. So it's really NO guarantee nothing will happen, it's just a guarantee he probably wont be bothered with annoying fan-girls.
PS. I used to date a really good looking guy, handsome and with the body of a Greek god, what I thought back then was "Im so glad he's getting hit on all the time so he can say no and let everyone know he has a girlfriend and everyone can be jealous of me". Thats not really a nice way to think either. In either case though the important things is that you TRUST your man, no matter his looks!
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (4 February 2010):
 I think I understand where you are coming from. My husband is gorgeous to me, but the rest of the world doesn't really seem him at his best, he usually keeps a small beard, wears a baseball cap, wears baggy clothes to work, and quite honestly, looks like what people would call a "Japanese geek". But when he shaves, and dresses up, he is drop dead gorgeous, and the fact that he's a doctor makes him even more of a "catch", I guess. I love him either way, but I can't lie..I'm glad other women aren't all over him. I wouldn't say I'm insecure as much as I am jealous, and I want him all to myself! But seriously...if your guy is overweight, you might be doing him and you a disservice by not wanting him to be more healthy, right? Maybe you can steer him in the right direction by joinin a health club together, or going for walks, or running, ect? I mean, if he loves you, he just loves you, whether he's thin or heavy, right? You have to trust in his love for you, and you should want him to be at his best health wise.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (4 February 2010):
 But, you are all over him, so why wouldn't other girls be?
And since you are slender, does that mean guys are all over you and he should be worried about you cheating?
If you love big guys, then so be it, but work on your insecurities because you are close to saying that the only reason he is with you, is because other women don't want you. Isn't that insulting to both you and him?
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A
female
reader, girl from bristol  +, writes (4 February 2010):
i think you have insecurities this is why you want him to be not noticed by women but you should not have to worry as you should trust him whether he is good looking or not and whether he would be attractive to women or not some girls like big guys anyway so he may be fancied one day by other women
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 February 2010):
This is more to do with your own insecurities than anything else to be honest. I think your confidence in yourself is very low, so you're looking elsewhere to feel good. The best thing you can do is become more confident for yourself (which is easier said than done). If you;re worried about your weight and health, then go to a gym and feel good about yourself. Eat healthily, go out and have fun with your boyfriend and friends ans such. This is all about your own confidence.
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