A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i have been with eachother a year and a half and we are also living together(with his fam.)I work and i support him untill he finishes college. He just got a job, so i asked him... "when are we moving out?" he said whenever he wanted, that he wasn't ready yet. I also told him that i wanted to get married one day, but he said that all of that was expensive "why to leave when we have all these fee stuff!!!" I was mad!... And by the end of the night he told me he wasn't ready to get married yet and that he wanted to save up some money because he didn't want to start with the wrong foot!...Q: Im I wrong for wanting to start my life with the person I love?..or am I too desperate?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (1 May 2009):
 It is only right that you want to move out and have a home of your own. You're not at all wrong in this.
I also want to praise you for wanting to stand on your own feet. You see, it's true that you're supporting him, but, as he said yourself, there must be many things that his parents provide "for free", like, for example, a roof to sleep under. Some people would want to "cut costs" and continue to live under that arrangement, like your boyfriend does, but you don't. You deserve praise for that, like I said.
I'm afraid that you're way ahead of your boyfriend in one sense. He's still a kept boy, whether we want it or not, while you're already functioning as an adult. That is what he should do from this moment on.
At the very minimum, his time as a free rider should be over. He finished college and he has a job, and he has a woman, so it's about time he starts supporting himself.
I wonder how good your relationship with his family is. I don't think they have much reason to complain. But, anyways, I wonder if his parents are also of the opinion that he should start off. Sometimes, parents will give a lot of excuses because they don't want their son involved with someone else :-).
About getting married, that is a bad sign. He's young, like you are, but an answer like that should make you nervous.
In all, it seems that you want to function as an adult and he does not. Bad signs.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2009): okay well your age is 18-21 and you know how some young men/men can be. sometimes they are scared of what to do and what the future lies ahead and your boyfriend has only just got a job so maybe he feels that you are wanting too much right now espescially you telling him you want to get married one day. im not saying he doesnt feel the same cos im sure he does but hes only just got a job, still lives with his family, girlfriend is talking about moving out and getting married and all this all at once! think about the poor guy. we all know men aren't the cleverest of creatures (lol) so maybe it's all a bit too much for him to take in and deal with right now?
so let things get more settled first, let him do well in his job and just let things happen. he'll propose when he's ready to. you're not wrong for waiting for someone you love, if its love you can do it. and i wouldn't say your desperate but you do want so much from him right now. you have to think about what he wants too hun
xx
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