A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a niece and nephew. My brother and sister-in-law are mad at me because I refuse to babysit them. The reason that I am refusing to babysit is that I realize that I have a drinking problem and I don't feel comfortable watching my nieces and nephew until I know that I put a few months of not drinking behind me.I am meeting my primary care doctor next week to talk about my drinking and a plan for the future. Am I wrong for refusing to babysit my niece and nephew until I get my drinking under control? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2021): Typo correction:
"I pray He leads you to sobriety; and He'll heal any misunderstandings between you, your brother, and his wife."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2021): No, it's the conscientious and responsible thing to do! I suspect you didn't specify outright that to be the reason. If they don't know why, that's why they feel upset with you. Not that they have any right to be! No is no; so go find somebody else!
You have a right to decline to babysit; even if you don't give them any reason. Just because you're single, or don't have children of your own; doesn't mean your time is reserved to be somebody's "free" babysitter...and be at their beck and call, or available at their unexpected convenience. People can be pretty presumptuous and selfish! If not downright entitled!
Do not feel guilty. Do what you have to do, and your reasons are your business. If people get angry because they can't use you at their convenience, that's a poor reflection on them...not YOU!!!
God bless you, my dear. I pray He leads you to sobriety and he'll heal any misunderstandings between you, you brother, and his wife.
Surely, they must have some clue that you have a drinking problem. Imagine how angry they'd be with you, if something would happen to their children in your care? That would be unthinkable, and might even be unforgiveable! You're doing the right thing.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (8 August 2021):
 You dont say if your brother and sister in law know about your drinking but if they know and have any brains then they wouldn't want you to babysit for their children. If they don't know then you don't have to tell them and you also don't need to give them any explanations. Its their responsibility to take care of their children, not yours. To be honest what is their deal? It sounds like they want free daycare. Take care of yourself and don't feel guilty that you are putting yourself first. Drinking is nothing to sweep under the rug. Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2021): Sometimes people with kids become totally self obsessed and precious, as if anyone else they know, particularly those who do not have kids, should be at their beck and call and focus all of their lives around them.There is nothing clever about getting pregnant, it only takes a few minutes. Being sure you can take care of the child and give it a good home after is the clever bit.I would suggest you get your drinking controlled - which will take time and you may well need professional help. And then when you are up to it - if and when you want to babysit you decide if that idea suits you to - and if you are short of money or not that close to them you are entitled to charge them too. After all, if babysitting was your idea of a great evening you could do it for strangers who pay you.If they are going out for the evening that costs money. So they clearly have spare cash for luxuries.There are lots of parents who cannot afford evenings out or babysitters so guess what they do - they stay in and spend time with the kid/s they created instead. If you are naive about this you will end up being that family member who has no life of her own and is just there to make their lives better, easier and cheaper.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2021): Its not your job to babysit them, drinking problem or not. But with the drinking problem you are 100% right not to babysit. Their kids, their problem and they are reckless parents if they want to dump their kids on you knowing full well you are an alcoholic. Focus on getting your drinking under control
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (8 August 2021):
 Why are they mad at you for not looking after THEIR children? That sounds awfully entitled to me. It is up to them to find suitable childcare for their children when they need it, not up to you to provide it, regardless of being related to them. Is it because they assume you will do it for free whereas they would need to pay someone else?
Do they know why you are refusing? You don't owe it to them to tell them about your issues (if they don't already know) but a little explanation might go a long way to keeping relationships sweet. Something like "I have personal issues at the moment. I am getting help to sort them out. Once I am in a better place, I can consider babysitting your children. Much as I would like to, I can't help you at the moment."
Even when/if you do agree to babysit your nieces and nephew, make sure they don't take advantage. Do it when/if it suits YOU. Don't put off other plans to look after THEIR children.
Well done for reaching out for help with the drinking. Hope all goes well for you.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 August 2021):
 Of course, you are not wrong. Do they know you have an issue with alcohol?
You don't OWE them an explanation OR to babysit. Drinking problem or not.
Work on your issue. Get it under control and then IF you want, you can babysit but I would advise only doing this a few hours the first many times you babysit so YOU can get comfortable with the job and the kiddos.
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